The Friend of Silence

We need to find God, and he cannot be found in noise and restlessness. God is the friend of silence. See how nature—trees, flowers, grass—grows in silence; see the stars, the moon and the sun, how they move in silence...

-Mother Teresa

A Lesson in Gratitude from an Unlikely Source

I shot this video with my phone yesterday from my apartment window (I apologize for the sucky quality but it was the best I could do on short notice..and there is no zooming on the new iPhone video just yet).

This man has been hanging out on and off in my neighborhood for over 10 years, and all he does is sing some version of the chorus from the Stevie Wonder song "I just called to say I love you."

For example "I just called to say I have to take a mean piss, I just called to say I'm hungry", etc.

If you look carefully you can see he's behind the car testing out his new rollable piece of luggage. Listen to him singing appreciatively after finding a perfectly good suitcase on wheels left near a garbage can.

"I just called...to say...I found a beautiful bag..."

Awesome.

Empty Mind

To empty your mind, simply reflect deeply right into it. Then you can truly have faith that, in reality, the appearing and disappearing of even one thought is itself an illusion. There is, in fact, no "thing" that ever actually appears.

-from The Mirror of Zen

What My Father Taught Me

Three years ago today my father was in a hospital undergoing a grueling cycle of blood tests, poking and prodding, infections, antibiotic treatments, recovery, more poking and prodding, reinfection, and more tests. He weaved in and out of consciousness and once even called out for his brother who had died some twenty years earlier. His personality would frequently disappear and then suddenly return again. He had fragmented into pieces, some of which I recognized, most of which I did not. His “Dad-ness,” contingent on so many fleeting factors, was changing as the circumstance of his health declined.

In just three weeks he dropped to ninety pounds, just half his regular body weight. The man I used to blame for the bulk of my personality flaws was rapidly regressing to a vulnerable, childlike state. I was suddenly caring for him in ways I never thought I would--feeding him, helping a nurse give him a sponge bath, holding him up when he cried and could no longer stand on his own, and eventually giving him regular doses of liquid morphine during his last few days to help alleviate what I imagine was excruciating pain.

Very late that last night, his breathing pattern had changed significantly, which we knew from the hospice literature meant he was about to leave us (they actually give you a handout to prep you for what happens when someone is dying). He’d been completely unconscious for the previous two days, and while his body had functioned in a mechanical sense, there was little to no sign of life underneath it all. He was there but he wasn’t there. For the previous two days his breathing had the perfunctory quality of a respirator machine. He was still my father yet it felt as if my “real” father had already left and his body just had to catch up, like he and his body were slightly out of sync.

Being there by his side as he took his last few breaths was one of the most important things I’ve ever done. He co-created me and was there just after I was born, and I got to be there with him just as he was ready to die. He raised me and taught me how to ride a bike and wash a car and how to make my work environment as comfortable and orderly as possible so I could work more efficiently. He taught me things he hadn’t intended to teach me, like how to be patient (as he often was not) and the importance of not jumping to conclusions too quickly (as he often did).

The process of caring for my father transformed my selfish, habitual anger towards him into a desire to alleviate his suffering and make him as comfortable as possible. I grew obsessed with trying to make sure he wasn’t in any pain.

In just a few days I’d managed to accomplish what many years of therapy could not--I was able to forgive him for all of those things I’d spent years blaming him for, all of those things I expended so much energy resenting and whining about. All of the blame and anger I’d attributed to his inadequate parenting quickly unraveled when I was able to have my perspective shifted by how brief and precious life really is.

I used to blame my father for my inability to be fully intimate with other people and through his death I learned how to cut through that. Whenever I sense some sort of block between me and someone else, whenever I feel anger or hostility or insecurity in relation to other people, I bring to mind an image of that person as an infant and an image of them at the moment of their death. All of the stuff that happens in between shouldn’t be confused with the underlying reality that binds us all together.

Most of us have very complicated relationships with our parents and I’m not claiming that their influence and behavior towards us during our formative years doesn’t have any sort of impact; of course it does. I am saying that what we do with the circumstances and conditions of our lives is our choice, regardless of who or what contributed to their creation. All we can do is to work with whatever we’re given and wherever we are at any given moment. We can choose not to let those things fester and turn into sources of self-pity and blame, or we can use those same things as an excuse to engage in destructive behavior and to build walls around our hearts.

It’s up to us.

To use our wounds as some sort of protective armor is to be fearful and weak. It’s when we recognize the transformative ability of our pain and those feelings of loss that we’re being courageous enough to step outside of ourselves and our inner psycho-dramas long enough to be of service to someone else.

In the end my father left me with a huge gift: the realization that this life of ours is temporary, tenuous, and precious. There is something there before we are born and something there after we die, and we’d be wise to spend at least a portion of our lives getting acquainted with what that is.

Thanks, Dad.

Buddha Wild

Believe the Hype: Rebel Buddha, a book review

I was recently given a review copy of Rebel Buddha: on the road to freedom by Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche. The PR for this book has been so remarkably well coordinated that anyone who hasn’t heard about it and the concurrent book tour must have been hiding under a stupa for the past few months.

Buddhism in the West is going through something of a gestation stage at the moment, the fruits of which may not be evident for at least another generation or two. The dharma always has to be reinvented and adapted to the time and culture in which it finds itself, especially at this pivotal point in time when things are changing so much and so rapidly.

I for one find it fascinating to witness the wide variety of approaches to practice that exist here in Manhattan alone. I’ve visited dharma centers where people feel free to text or check email during meditation periods, to take a swig of water from their Evian bottle, and in some instances struggle to sit in a crossed legged position due to the constraints of their skinny jeans.

I’ve also encountered centers where the air was so rife with tension and rigid formality that it felt more like a boot camp and less like a place to cultivate an open mind and heart. There’s something off-putting about walking down a New York City street into a temple that seems to think it’s Somewhere in Asia circa 1932.

So much for the middle way.

Fortunately, there are some voices in the modern Buddhist movement who are more than willing and able to present the dharma in a way that is accessible to those who are new to practice, yet still compelling enough to those of us who have read our fair share of dharma books over the years. And Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche is absolutely high on this list.

While "Rebel Buddha" can describe the revolutionary man himself originally known as Siddhartha Gautama, it more importantly provides us with a liberating way of viewing our minds. Dzogchen Ponlop reminds us that the natural state of our minds is one of compassion, awakeness, and freedom. It’s the mission of our own innate Rebel Buddha to embark upon the journey of freeing ourselves from the constraints of our self-created illusions; the ones we create about ourselves and the world, and those that are imposed on us by society, government, and religion.

While I’m not convinced that using some traditional Buddhist terms is such a bad thing (I’m still waiting, for example, for someone to come up with an appropriate English equivalent of dukkha, which is often inaccurately translated as “suffering”) I do think that the dharma needs to be packaged in a way that isn’t off-putting to the ever increasing numbers of people who are curious about it.

There are many who cling to tradition over innovation, and get attached to dated, exotic rituals that estrange rather than invite. This masturbatory approach to practice can alienate those very people they could otherwise be serving and introducing to the Buddha’s teachings. If Buddhism is to not only survive but to thrive in our culture, it really is important that we utilize language and symbology that is relevant to today’s world and speaks to those that need it the most, and Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche has pulled this off here with staggering success.

Dzogchen Ponlop has a wonderfully simple and clear way of discussing what it means to get acquainted with the mind, and how doing so can free us from our self-created prisons, the walls of which are built by our confusion and fixed ideas. Although we erect these walls intending to bring about a sense of comfort and security, they actually end up exacerbating the very unease and dissatisfaction we all so desperately want to put an end to.

Rebel Buddha is so user friendly and well organized that it even includes a detailed and easy to follow system for starting a meditation practice, appropriately beginning with “...you first need a comfortable seat.”

Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche has created a book that is both an excellent primer for dharma-newbies as well as essential reading for experienced practitioners and teachers alike. No matter how far along we think we are in our practice, it’s always a good idea to start from scratch every now and then with a beginner’s mind and get re-acquainted with the teachings in a fresh new way.

Rebel Buddha delivers on both of these fronts.

Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter...and Spring

I highly recommend this movie:

What you can't vote for

Hope is a lie, even when it's a well intentioned one.

The Buddha never offered any specific political views or ideas as to how to ensure a more just society. In fact, he implied that the power and abstract ideas inherent in politics made it a particularly odious venture.

We can say, however, that he was a proponent of the democratic process, and he was definitely against war. Unfortunately, neither Republicans nor Democrats can claim total allegiance to both of these basic principles, but this is what we're left to choose between on days like these.

What the Buddha spent his life teaching about went beyond liberal and conservative, right or wrong. He taught us how to be free. Not just happy, but free.

No political party or candidate can deliver on what is already rightfully ours. Our nature is innately good and complete as it is. No office holder will ever give us the sanity and piece of mind we all desire; we have to do that for ourselves.

The only revolution that could ever make a substantial, long term difference in this world would be a movement of awareness and compassion towards ourselves and each other. Discovering what it is that binds us all together will solve more problems than focusing on those things that cause us to feel separate from each other.

Voting is critical and I think it is irresponsible not to. Getting attached to one result or another is a recipe for misery.

Rebel Buddha NYC Event

I'll be attending this one day event and I highly recommend you do as well if you'll be in New York City on Sunday Nov 14.

Rebel Buddha 2010 Tour

Tickets are now on sale for the Rebel Buddha: On the Road to Freedom 2010 Tour! Dzogchen Ponlop Rinpoche will be joined by panelists representing various traditions for an exploration of the current state and the future of Western Buddhism, through teachings, music and video, contemplative exercises, and discussion. Presented by Nalandabodhi.

New York, NY: Sunday, November 14, 10 AM – 5:30 PM, The Great Hall at Cooper Union
VISIT HERE for more information and to purchase tickets.