Lessons from a Peacock: How to Transform Poison into Beauty

All of us experience states of mind that cause us to feel anxious, depressed, fearful, uncertain, insecure, envious, doubtful, impatient. These feelings can seem so powerful at times that we try to eradicate them as quickly as possible through the usual methods: we try to repress them, drink them away, shop them away, fuck them away, blame them away, or whatever it is we do when we experience sensations that aren’t pleasing to us.

Following are the first three verses from a teaching called "The wheel of Sharp Weapons", written by Dharmaraksita:

1. In jungles of poisonous plants strut the peacocks, though medicine gardens of beauty lie near, The masses of peacocks do not find gardens pleasant, but thrive on the essence of poisonous plants. 

2. In similar fashion the brave Bodhisattvas remain in the jungle of worldly concern. No matter how joyful this world's pleasure gardens, these Brave Ones are never attracted to pleasures, but thrive in the jungle of suffering and pain.

3. We spend our whole life in the march for enjoyment, yet tremble with fear at the mere thought of pain; thus since we are cowards, we are miserable still, but the brave Bodhisattvas accept suffering gladly, and gain from their courage a true lasting joy.

While preparing for a dharma talk about this subject last week, I learned that peacocks aren't very particular with regard to what kinds of food they'll eat: the brighter in color the object is, the better. They are drawn to a variety of plants and insects, and in fact they will even eat poisonous snakes if they come across one that's colorful enough. What's even more interesting is that just for the sake of amusement they will follow around a slithering, poisonous snake for a while, just observing it curiously before they devour it. And it is said that the poison they ingest from plants and snakes actually makes the colors of their plumage all the more vibrant and beautiful.

What if changed our approach to difficult, poisonous states of mind and met them with the same courage and curiosity as a peacock? 

Instead of running away from every mind state and emotion that feels threatening, we could simply observe the thoughts and sensations attached to these states of mind without getting caught up in the story about how they came about and who or what is to blame. 

Fixating on our stories only serves to inflame the poisonous feelings. Of course it is important to acknowledge what kinds of circumstances in our lives might be contributing and creating the conditions for suffering, and we should work to alter those circumstances whenever appropriate. But eventually we have to take responsibility for our own states of mind and realize that external events should not be able to dictate when we feel well and when we do not. 

We mustn't be our brain's bitch.

We liberate ourselves by simply resting our minds on the challenging feelings we experience without the usual overlay of our thoughts about how good or bad it feels, or why we feel this way, or who is to blame for how we feel. We can drop the storyline, drop the constant inner commentary, drop the ideas and concepts about what we are experiencing and instead directly experience the reality of our life as it is at any given moment. We don't have to obsess over negative emotions and we don't have to chase them away either--we can simply notice them the way we notice our thoughts when we meditate: with bare, brave attention. 


When we do this we can further cultivate qualities of love and compassion that we can apply towards ourselves and other people. We can make use of our painful mind states and transform them into something that opens our hearts and allows us to be of more service to others. 

By immersing ourselves in the reality of our moment to moment experience we can make friends with impermanence and ride it's wave rather than have it crash over us and cause us to drown.

Sometimes Tradition Sucks: What a Difference a Year Can Make

It was just over a year ago that I very publicly withdrew from the Taego Overseas Seminary after learning about their discriminatory policies; until then these policies had been unknown to me and the general public. Nine months and one retreat into my training with them, I discovered that openly gay and lesbian people could not be fully ordained as monks, despite my being clear from the start that I’m a gay man. After a lot of digging around it was also reluctantly revealed to me that women, anyone over the age of 55, and people with physical challenges were also excluded from ordaining in this order. 

All of this was justified to me as being based on the Vinaya (monastic rules of conduct written a few thousand years ago), yet within the Vinaya can be found rules that expressly forbids monks to be married or to lead non-celibate lives. Yet Taego monks (at least the heterosexual, male ones) are allowed to marry. But in Taegoland, women and lgbt people may not.

When I discovered I would have to lie and hide who I am if I were ever to ordain as a monk in this order, I was crushed. For many years I felt called upon to ordain so the Taego Order seemed a natural fit since it billed itself as a progressive order with a 1,000 year history, rooted in Korean Zen (a tradition I had by now grown very fond of). The Zen geek in me was enamored with the idea that I could be part of a lineage with such a long, unbroken line of transmission (which as it turns out isn’t really true anyway).

As Zen Master Seung Sahn used to say, sometimes a bad situation is really a good situation. And sometimes what appears to be a good situation is really a bad one. This wisdom that I’m paraphrasing very much applied to my experience last year:  at the time it felt like the worse thing in the world was happening to me, yet it was in fact the best possible outcome in the long run.

In Zen it is often emphasized that we ought not be fooled by appearances because they can be misleading and inaccurate. 

For a long time I was stuck on an idea of what constituted an authentic Zen Order because I bought into the concept that a Buddhist lineage that can be traced back for hundreds of years must be more valid, more desirable, more authentic.

Yet witnessing the Taego Order’s double standards and blatant discrimination under the guise of tradition underscored that many things which are rooted in history and/or tradition are not necessarily good or desirable at all: and in fact they can often be quite harmful. 

Traditionally marriage between the races was considered illegal and immoral until a 1967 Supreme Court decision corrected this wrong view, despite the fact that the vast majority of the public at the time thought blacks and whites should not be allowed to marry.

Currently, in most Christian traditions women are not allowed to ordain on a level equal to men. 

The Buddha himself is often credited with taking the revolutionary step of ordaining women, but he only did so begrudgingly and after being convinced by Ananda that women were just as capable of awakening as men are. However, his nuns had additional rules and restrictions to observe, rules that their male counterparts were not asked to follow. He then erroneously concluded that as a result of his succumbing to the pressure to ordain women, his teachings would only survive a mere 500 years rather than the 1,000 years he had previously predicted. He was, after all, just a dude who lived 2,500 years ago, a man that while amazing in many ways was also just a product of his time.

All of this is especially interesting to consider in light of the major breakthroughs that have occurred for the LGBT population in the United States over the past year: the repeal of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell, and having a sitting president voice support for marriage equality. 

Sometimes tradition is misguided and no longer correct, and therefore needs to be changed. 

Many people argue that marriage should be between one man and one woman because that is how it has traditionally existed, and that the rules of marriage are clearly outlined in the Old and New Testaments. If one is to take the Bible literally however, there can be a strong case made for polygamy, allowing slavery, and outlawing divorce.


Interestingly, soon after leaving Taego, which I believed to be a 1,600 year old order, I discovered that it was actually formed quite recently as a result of a mass exodus of monks from the Chogye Order in 1970.

The unexpected turn of events last year led me to the Five Mountain Zen Order with whom I was able to ordain just four months ago. Five Mountain is a thoroughly modern and truly authentic Order based in the same Korean Zen lineage of Zen Master Seung Sahn. It’s a young and growing “Monastery Without Walls” whose main focus is helping people regardless of their financial means or geographic location. Founded by my teacher and friend Ven. Paul Yuánzhì Lynch, it recognizes and respects tradition while being dedicated to offering people teachings and opportunities to practice in ways that make sense in our current culture and time. Paul is building an international sangha that is inclusive, dynamic, and far-reaching, and together we are trailblazing a path which other contemporary Western Buddhist lineages would be wise to follow. 

Knowing what I know now, I’d have never bothered chasing after an idea of authenticity because Im now in the company of a sangha that is more concerned with helping others than following outdated and useless rules. 

What a difference a year can make.