tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-86292695883486824882024-03-13T03:30:12.869-04:00Open Sky Zen - Ven. Lawrence Dō'an GreccoUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger184125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8629269588348682488.post-9395908715056214372014-03-04T23:33:00.002-05:002014-03-04T23:33:49.830-05:00Lessons in How to Live (by a Stumbling Centipede)<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMnSnYInW2SRIWwTPcT3R9_prBY7zS99x1MF04tWaA2FoHrRxkB1GXGtdUTsGg1itwPXWw9G_JBp2udyLgaOFxyfS0V30iwVakSO7Inz6G4woOZHunl80KCwAFdzBf7pLCFG_Kg-1ve7XC/s1600/pond.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMnSnYInW2SRIWwTPcT3R9_prBY7zS99x1MF04tWaA2FoHrRxkB1GXGtdUTsGg1itwPXWw9G_JBp2udyLgaOFxyfS0V30iwVakSO7Inz6G4woOZHunl80KCwAFdzBf7pLCFG_Kg-1ve7XC/s1600/pond.jpg" height="213" width="320" /></a></div>
When a bird flies over a pond on a clear sunny day, you can look down at that pond and see a reflection of this as it’s happening: you can expect to see a mirror image of the sun shining brightly and the bird flying overhead in real time. This makes perfect sense and it never happens any other way.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
But imagine peering into that same pond a few hours later when it’s nighttime and seeing the reflection of that same bird and shining sun even though it’s nighttime and the bird is fast asleep in its nest. This sounds ludicrous but it demonstrates what we tend to do with our human thinking minds. It gives us some insight into how and why we feel so ill at ease so much of the time.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
What sets us apart from every other aspect of nature is our ability to think and reflect on things. But the kind of reflecting we normally do is completely at odds with the kind of clear reflecting that nature does so effortlessly — the kind of reflecting that our minds are also capable of doing so naturally if only we’d get out of our own way and let it happen.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
I love this poem because it so brilliantly captures our human dilemma. The poet was clever enough to choose a centipede as its subject in order to get her point across more effectively:</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<strong>The Centipede's Dilemma</strong></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<em>A centipede was happy – quite!</em></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<em>Until a toad in fun</em></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<em>Said, "Pray, which leg moves after which?"</em></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<em>This raised her doubts to such a pitch,</em></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<em>She fell exhausted in the ditch</em></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<em>Not knowing how to run.</em></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<em>-Katherine Craster</em></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Our ability to think and reflect is incredibly useful in many ways: we can consider a situation, a behavior pattern, a problem in need of solving, and help solve problems through this wonderful capacity of our minds to engage in functional thinking. This thinking mind can also help us cure diseases and explore distant planets and figure out the best route to take home from work. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
But the kind of reflecting I’m talking about here is the kind that only serves to stoke the flames of our anger, to compound our sadness, to increase our anxiety, and to paralyze us in fear. I’d even go so far as to say that the vast majority of thinking we engage in throughout the day is not only pointless but downright harmful. Most of our thinking serves no other purpose but to keep us separate from our experience and mired down in negative states of mind. This may sound surprising at first but if you were to record every thought going through your head throughout each moment of each day, there’d be no denying it.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
A pond knows how to clearly reflect whatever is going on above it. But we humans run into trouble when we don’t allow ourselves to simply experience every aspect of our lives with this same kind of clarity, this clarity that’s already an inherent aspect of our minds. When we perceive what’s going on directly and intimately with pond-like clarity, we see that there’s really no big problem. Problems are made when we add something extra to what’s going on. We interpret what that person meant by looking at us that way and we feel paranoid. We review and rehash the chain of events that led to our being angry and we keep the anger going, sometimes for hours, months, or years at a time. We second guess ourselves and edit everything we say and do so much in the hopes that doing so will make us somehow more appealing and acceptable to others — but in fact we end up stumbling and falling instead, just as the centipede did in KatherineCraster’s poem. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Instead of simply being an accurate and authentic version of ourselves, we end up being a second-rate facsimile of what we think we ought to be.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
So how do we return to our naturally clear, pond-like mind? A mind that can reflect accurately and clearly what’s going on without gussying things up by attaching ideas, concepts, fears, and projections onto an otherwise innocuous experience? </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
In this practice we begin with the understanding that we already have the seeds of awakening within us, as well as all of the ingredients we need to return to our naturally clear, before-thinking minds. There are no magical formulas or methods, and ultimately this kind of clarity can be returned to only through our own efforts. No teacher or book or course can do this work for us, but they can absolutely help point us in the right direction. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
But just meditating on a chair or cushion for some portion of each day isn’t enough. Some of the most confused people I’ve met in my life have what most would consider a very strong and consistent meditation practice and go on lots of retreats. Consistent, formal meditation practice is very important, but the mind we’re cultivating during sitting practice has to translate somehow into the rest of our lives.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
It’s important to make a meditation out of your whole life and not confine it to the chair or cushion. We can do this by watching our mind at all times, noticing how and when we get triggered rather than simply letting the trigger take over. When a craving arises, our bodies usually want to satisfy it immediately and suddenly it feels as if appeasing that sense desire is the most important thing in the world.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
But we can notice the craving and learn to relate to it directly and appropriately without adding anything extra: no stories, no extra drama, no “if-onlys.” We can hear something we disagree with or don’t understand fully and not jump to conclusions or feel the need to punish the external catalyst of our anger or confusion. We can pause for a moment and rest in the feeling, the thought, the sensation, or the craving rather than let them take us over and encourage behavior that ends up harming ourselves and others. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8629269588348682488.post-38940927347859762512014-02-14T14:15:00.001-05:002014-02-14T14:15:11.094-05:00Is it Cupid or Craving? A Buddhist Perspective on Romantic Love<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuq82NfUWp1_IYFK2g6_Zuaec5_QCn2QlgL3mbd6qlsnEVriCivhEpzK-RNgBVAxJpCKQcNdou_lUbNCRmbL_Pgk6jhWx5GM9B7WCkVwC2yJFbKusS1-WLT4zjS_49eDAxMCCky7EAxvTk/s1600/cupid.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiuq82NfUWp1_IYFK2g6_Zuaec5_QCn2QlgL3mbd6qlsnEVriCivhEpzK-RNgBVAxJpCKQcNdou_lUbNCRmbL_Pgk6jhWx5GM9B7WCkVwC2yJFbKusS1-WLT4zjS_49eDAxMCCky7EAxvTk/s1600/cupid.jpg" height="220" width="400" /></a></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; text-align: left;"><i style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><b>Even a fleeting thought of him made every other aspect of my life seem somehow lighter, more meaningful, and more manageable. An overwhelming well of emotions arose within my heart whenever I’d recall the raspy quality of his voice, the dimple that formed on his left cheek whenever he smiled, and the monumental gesture of undying love and affection that was so clearly and poignantly demonstrated through his simple gesture of buying me that $4 cup of coffee on what I was sure I’d forever consider one of the best Saturday afternoons of my life.</b></i></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;"><b><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i></i></span><br /></b></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i><b>How is it then, I was left wondering just two weeks later, that I could no longer even stand the mere mention of his name?</b></i></span></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">One of the most perplexing aspects of being human is the seemingly contradictory relationship we have to feelings of intense romantic love and feelings of hatred. At one time or another, most of us have been absolutely certain that we’ve found the most meaningful form of love imaginable in another person, only to be completely shocked and devastated once that love goes awry. The person leaves unexpectedly, our feelings change when we experience some aspect of him or her that we find unpleasing, or the romance just seems to fizzle out over time. </span></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><i>What happened to that true love I was sure would last forever?</i></span></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Feelings of love and hatred are two sides of the same coin, and these equally intoxicating emotions have managed to inspire even the most revered and powerful people among us to make the most reckless choices imaginable. We’ve all witnessed countless families, marriages, and partnerships suddenly come to an bitter end because one individual in the mix is suddenly enamored with someone else, or his/her feelings unexpectedly turn off.</span></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">What’s unbearable for most people to live with is the reality that anything that comes into being eventually has to cease to be. I’m reminded of the phrase, “the bigger they are, the harder they fall.” This expression very accurately describes the nature of intense emotions and our attachment to them. </span></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">For many years I made the huge error of confusing love with a fuzzy feeling that had to be preserved forever. It took having this approach blow up in my face (more times than I care to recount) to teach me that love is not really a feeling as much as a decision and action. </span></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">It’s very normal and healthy for romantic love to be accompanied by feelings—and very powerful one during the initial bonding stages. But a relationship built entirely around feelings is a relationship that’s doomed to fail. </span></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">This may sound like a downer so far but my message and my understanding about true love is actually quite empowering and optimistic.</span></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">The wind never blows in just one direction all the time because it’s not the nature of wind to do so. And in the same way, feelings of love are equally subject to this fundamental law of nature—that all things are in a constant state of change and evolution. And yes, this applies to romantic love as well.</span></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Giving in to this reality doesn’t mean you can’t have a long-term or lifelong partnership just because feelings of love are bound to change. In fact, this deeper understanding of love makes the prospect of having long-term relationships even more probably than many might realize.</span></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">After 1,742 dates it finally dawned on me that true love is not a feeling at all. Sure, love is often experienced within the context of feelings like sexual attraction, compassion, excitement, longing, inspiration—all kinds of wonderful emotions. But since all of these feelings are always coming and going, we need to have a fundamental shift in the way we approach this love thing.</span></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">There needs to be a radical love revolution in the world.</span></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">From a Buddhist viewpoint, love is a natural quality of our minds that gives as unconditionally and freely as nature does—trees grow, day turns into night and night turns into day, rain falls indiscriminately. No matter how we mistreat the environment, nature does its best to keep on doing its thing without holding back. We can take a cue from nature and allow love to be expressed in both our thoughts and deeds, even when the fuzzy romantic feelings aren’t as strong as they used to be when the relationship was in its early stages. </span></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">If we can view love as a choice and not just a feeling, it can serve to create a foundation for a more enduring version of love built on shared values and aspirations, history, maturity, commitment, mutual respect, comfort, and understanding.<br /><br />
</span></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">If we continue to see love as a form of currency that demands instant and equal reciprocation all the time, then our hearts are bound to close off and tighten when our romantic partners disappoint us. If we view love as a strong feeling that must never change, then our ability to commit will be fickle at best and very damaging to ourselves and others at worst. </span></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">If I make great love some kind of strong idea in my mind, then I’m also stuck with having great hatred in there since one cannot exist without the other. If love as I see it is a concept based on an endless checklist of me-centered desires and preferences, than the very thing I want so much will always be elusive and just out of my reach. </span></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div><div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Sometimes it’s appropriate and even necessary for a relationship to end. When there’s some kind of abuse going on, the answer isn’t to buck up and continue to stick around because of the way unconditional way in which rain falls indiscriminately. But it’s very possible to reframe our approach to what it means to be truly in love with someone else so we’re not bound to a cycle of endless love affairs that start with a bang and then fizzle out when life just happens as it does. When we can base a romantic relationship on qualities and actions rather than feelings that come and go like the wind, we stand a better chance at having the everlasting kind of love we all profess to want so deeply.</span></div><br /><br />
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;"><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><br /><br />
Happy Valentine’s day, and may you always experience love in it’s deepest and truest sense. </span></div><br /><br />
<br /><br />
<a href="http://openskyzen.podomatic.com/entry/2014-02-13T09_02_40-08_00#.Uv5j_2DXAW8.blogger">What is True Love?</a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8629269588348682488.post-61841287154141427332014-02-09T12:11:00.000-05:002014-02-09T12:14:56.641-05:00Where Anger comes from and 7 Ways to Extinguish it<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwlhnl5tKkBgdO93OmGW17Ba7DfxVxUCdv7RCdv9jS2GeL4pFlh520JDGWI7yMZCuIkQ-j1783LTjcpek-Gj_Krsfgor1igWKFLO99v7aSivAkCcvEB-dP0MDUaBSD8CTtDZi5v4UwqPdP/s1600/angrybuddha.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgwlhnl5tKkBgdO93OmGW17Ba7DfxVxUCdv7RCdv9jS2GeL4pFlh520JDGWI7yMZCuIkQ-j1783LTjcpek-Gj_Krsfgor1igWKFLO99v7aSivAkCcvEB-dP0MDUaBSD8CTtDZi5v4UwqPdP/s1600/angrybuddha.jpg" height="200" width="192" /></a></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Once the Buddha was walking through a village when he encountered an angry man who got in his face and began yelling at him, saying things like <i>“You have no right to be teaching others, you’re just a big fake and just as confused as everyone else!”</i></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Despite this angry outburst, the Buddha maintained his Buddhacool and waited for the guy to simmer down before he asked, <i>“If you offer a gift for someone and they don’t accept it, to whom does it then belong?”</i></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Confused, the man replied, <i>“I suppose it belongs to me since I’m the one who owned the gift in the first place.</i>” </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">The Buddha then said, <i>“In much the same way, I don’t accept this gift from you. I don’t accept any of the insults or accusations you’re throwing my way. So they belong to you and you alone, and no one else.”</i></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b>* * * </b></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">This is a rewording of a the <a href="http://www.accesstoinsight.org/tipitaka/sn/sn07/sn07.002.than.html"><span style="color: #919194; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Akkosa</span><span style="color: #919194; letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span><span style="color: #919194; letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Sutta</span></a>, and it’s a great example of the way in which we don’t have to be taken over by anger when it arises. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">From a Buddhist perspective, emotions like anger have do have a feeling component, but in actuality they’re just conceptual in nature—they begin in our minds and our minds alone. We normally place a different kind of emphasis on our thoughts and and our feelings as if thoughts come from “the mind” and feelings come from “the heart” but really they’re just one and the same. All of our emotions need some kind of mental object or image in order for them to exist in the first place.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Case(s) in point: I can feel anger towards someone who isn’t in the same room with me, or with someone who isn’t alive anymore, or with someone I’ve never even met. I might stub my toe in the middle of the night and feel intense anger towards the bed frame leg that I bumped into, even though it’s an inanimate object that didn’t “do” anything to me. I can be angry at an object, a concept, an abstract idea, a dead person, a live person, or a political party.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Normally we view our anger as a justified and even healthy response to an external stimulus. Someone bumps into me on the subway so of course I get angry. What other choice is there?</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">But is getting angry really the only possible response when things happen around us that aren’t to our liking?</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">All of us feel angry sometimes, Lord Buddha knows I certainly get angry at least seventy three times a day. Anger has many different faces ranging from mild irritation to indignation, frustration, and outright rage. But when you come right down to it, anger is just a bullshit emotion that arises in order to cover over a deeper, more tender and less empowering primary emotion such as: hurt, fear, confusion, vulnerability, rejection, pressure, or humiliation. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">It’s challenging at first to accept this as true but it really is. Whenever we get angry, it’s because there’s some emotion occurring within us that feels unacceptable somehow. It’s a feeling that’s way too threatening to acknowledge and sit with, so anger steps in as a sort of mental super-shield and makes us feel more empowered, more “right”, more in control. Those primary emotions feel way too wimpy to face directly and let’s face it, they’re not much fun. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Primordially speaking, anger is wired into us as a protective mechanism that was and sometimes still is very useful in extreme fight or flight situations. It absolutely was a useful tool that put the necessary fire under our asses when we were being chased by a dinosaur back in the stone age. It certainly may get the adrenalin going when we see someone coming our way with an axe in their hand. But the anger I’m talking about here is really more of the day-to-day variety we all experience during our work, home, and social lives.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">So all of this leaves us humans in quite a conundrum: we habitually do whatever we can to cover over those less-empowering feelings like hurt, fear, or rejection, but it’s only by acknowledging and sitting with those uncomfortable feelings that we truly stand to grow, to open our hearts, and to stave off an angry response that can lead to harm for ourselves and others. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Anger is frequently deified in our culture, but by its very definition, all it does is to wish ill-will and harm upon whatever or whomever we mistakenly view as “the other.” This is in stark contrast to lovingkindness, which wishes that another person or group be happy and free from suffering. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">The thing about anger is that is has such a burning quality, it seems to demand an immediate response or resolution. That’s why so many unthinkable things have occurred during angry mind-states, whether it be a nasty text message we send off or a murder between family members.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">So what are we to do when anger arises and our habitual responses are just begging to be acted out? </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Like anything else, learning to re-relate to our anger takes time and practice. If we learn to relate to our anger rather than from our anger, we end up being the master of our minds rather than its servant.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Here are seven ways that can be useful in dealing with anger in all of its forms. They aren’t steps that need to be followed in order — nor will we always remember to put them into practice when we’re faced with the Angry. One of them might work better for some of us than others, so see which ones, if any, make sense for you. It might be wise to practice with them on the smaller outbursts first before trying to apply them to the more cataclysmic situations.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b>7 WAYS TO EXTINGUISH THE FLAMES OF ANGER</b></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">1. Just witness how anger peaks and then dissipates if you just observe it and leave it alone. Simply witness whatever is happening as completely and objectively as possible. Try not to add your interpretations or inner commentary to an otherwise innocuous situation. Doing so does nothing but stoke your anger and keeps it alive much longer than it otherwise needs to</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">2. Don’t internalize the anger -- remember the above parable about the way in which the Buddha refused to accept the “gift” being offered to him by the mean guy.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">3. Notice how and what you were feeling just before you were engulfed by the flames of anger -- try your best to identify the PRIMARY EMOTION that’s being masked. Is it hurt, rejection, vulnerability, or feeling misunderstood?</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">4. When someone is directing their anger towards you: consider that s/he may be angry with a notion of you or their narrow view of the situation at hand. De-personalize it. Consider that this person is angry in part because of their personal history, their storyline, patterns, and fears. When someone is angry at you, they’re paying an inappropriate degree of attention to one aspect of who they think you are, which therefore serves to exaggerate what they find negative or unacceptable about you.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">5. Consider what role, if any, you may have played in the arising of this anger, either intentionally or not. This applies both to when you are feeling angry or when you find someone acting angrily towards you.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">6. Take 10 slow, deep, in-and-out breaths before responding with the nasty text, the attacking email, the harsh look, the hurtful action, or the biting words.</span></div>
<br />
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">7. If responding to a difficult situation is appropriate and/or necessary, do so using RIGHT SPEECH. Find a way to communicate that can help alleviate the situation rather than inflame it. Consider a question often raised in 12 step programs: Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy? Set your intention on RESOLUTION rather than REVENGE -- Our vow is to benefit all beings, after all, not to benefit all beings “unless they piss me off!”</span></div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8629269588348682488.post-58898038949164538582014-02-02T00:22:00.000-05:002014-02-02T00:27:17.960-05:00How to Cultivate Rock Star Compassion<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbhUQbrjTbZzhYqTBgnl4m6RF_-Hw7ix977TucaJe2sW5gMN9-lrStrTNRILFn9oxMs6lvWPNfzTBZsqkZCSKJVGVBqxMqQ3u6nqAoKACKVsIGIuyEmPLtUQVV_JPXwMCCMJCFTGtY1eg6/s1600/Jimi.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="background-color: white;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjbhUQbrjTbZzhYqTBgnl4m6RF_-Hw7ix977TucaJe2sW5gMN9-lrStrTNRILFn9oxMs6lvWPNfzTBZsqkZCSKJVGVBqxMqQ3u6nqAoKACKVsIGIuyEmPLtUQVV_JPXwMCCMJCFTGtY1eg6/s1600/Jimi.jpg" height="320" width="214" /></span></a></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 0px;">A few years ago I was talking with someone who was about to embark on a street retreat. A <a href="http://zenpeacemakers.org/events/street-retreats/"><span style="color: #919194; letter-spacing: 0px;">street retreat</span></a> is a safe and guided event in which a group of people pretend to be homeless for a few days — begging for money, finding a way to feed themselves, and sleeping wherever they can find some shelter for the evening, usually outdoors. The purpose of a street retreat is to experience what it’s like to be homeless so that, as it’s described, you can recognize your common humanity. So if you do a street retreat, you opt to live like a homeless person for just one day or over the course of an entire weekend (usually in the spring or fall when the <a href="http://www.ohio.com/news/local/akron-center-takes-in-homeless-during-extreme-weather-1.457799"><span style="color: #919194; letter-spacing: 0px;">weather</span></a> is relatively nice and mild).</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 0px;">So this guy about to go on the street retreat was telling about this experience he was going to have and how much it was going to help him and his practice so he could be more awake and compassionate. I heard lots about him and little about others, and his me-focused approach to this retreat experience really inspired me to consider this whole compassion thing more deeply.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 0px;">Street retreats aren’t good and they aren’t bad, just like <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/%C5%9A%C5%ABnyat%C4%81"><span style="color: #919194; letter-spacing: 0px;">everything</span></a> else in this world. However, do we really have to put ourselves in the same exact position as someone else in order to sensitize ourselves to their suffering? And can we ever truly duplicate or know what someone else’s experience is really like? <a href="http://www.coalitionforthehomeless.org/"><span style="color: #919194; letter-spacing: 0px;">Homeless</span></a> people don’t have the luxury of carrying on all day with the knowledge that in just a few hours or days they’ll be back in their warm, cozy beds. And I suspect the experience of not knowing when you’ll have food or money or shelter again is something that most of us can never fully relate to. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #919194; letter-spacing: 0.0px; text-decoration: underline;"><a href="http://wilmingtonfavs.com/2013/06/10/dharma-talk-norman-fischer-on-learning-compassion-and-lojong-tibetan-zen/">Compassion</a></span><span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"> is one of the most deeply misunderstood and under-appreciated qualities in this world, which is rather preposterous since it’s natural to all of us. But try as we might, when true compassion is called for, we sometimes feel blocked or uncertain as to what to do or how to help. We might feel great empathy, righteous indignation, or just a sincere desire to alleviate the suffering of another person or group, yet somehow our plan backfires and we end up causing more harm than good. Sometimes the person we’re trying to help resents us and the way in which we’re trying to make life better for them. Or our approach to the cause we’re so deeply committed to does nothing to bring about the change we had in mind.</span></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 0px;">Our intentions are usually very good, but we all know what the road to hell was paved with.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 0px;">I would bet that everyone reading this can remember at least one experience where you surprised yourself and others with the perfect, effortless rock star response to something happening around you. It’s usually something that demands some kind of immediate attention and leaves you little time to think or prepare: you catch the porcelain plate just before it smashes to the ground, you instantly put on your glasses before reading the small print, you instinctively say that one brilliant thing that resonates with everyone around you. And there are those times when you do something that on paper may sound completely outlandish, but it turns out to be the perfect answer to the issue at hand and you end up saving the day. It’s that thing you do without trying very hard at all that may sometimes even leave you scratching your head thinking, “Where did that come from?”</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 0px;">What incidents like these demonstrate is that we all have the innate capacity to respond to this world with total rock star compassion, but most of the time this natural response gets blocked because the usual culprits get in its way: our ideas, concepts, and thinking minds. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 0px;">Some people believe that somewhere there exists an infallible two-column list of what’s “compassionate’ and what’s “not compassionate.” But thinking like this only gives rise to a dualistic view of reality where things are black and white, right or wrong, good or bad. It springs from a distorted view that everything in this universe has some kind of fixed and unchanging meaning that can be listed under the “compassionate” or “not compassionate” category. And this incorrect perception of reality causes people to respond to others around them not from their naturally clear and open hearts, but from their foggy and rigid brains. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 0px;">A smart, fully alert brain is useless if your heart is sleeping.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 0px;">Just as a bird needs two wings to <a href="http://inside.insightla.org/dharmaalliance/2012/10/18/compassion-and-wisdom-two-wings-of-a-bird/"><span style="color: #919194; letter-spacing: 0px;">fly</span></a>, compassion can flourish only when it works hand in hand with wisdom. The wisdom I’m talking about here is not the garden-variety sweet-sounding quote or concept that often gets tweeted, spoken, or written about by <a href="https://twitter.com/DeepakChopra"><span style="color: #919194; letter-spacing: 0px;">people</span></a> that make a lot of money off of the whole mindfulness movement that’s currently all the rage. In fact, it has nothing to do with ideas or thinking at all. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 0px;">The Sanskrit word for wisdom is <a href="http://www.oxherding.com/my_weblog/2009/04/korean-zen-seung-sahn-dont-know.html"><span style="color: #919194; letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><b><i>prajna</i></b></span></a>, the etymology of which means “before thinking.” </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 0px;">So the wisdom that allows rock star compassion to arise doesn’t come from our thinking minds, nor does it come from our ideas about what compassionate speech or action is supposed to sound or look like. It comes from a clear and untainted view of the reality of each moment unfolding before us. When we have this kind of clarity, we can then understand our relationship to whatever’s going on. And at this point our correct function in the moment becomes crystal clear, and compassionate action happens effortlessly and appropriately. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 0px;">Compassionate action doesn’t always look or sound nice, nor does it need to be offered in some of the grander ways that are very much in vogue these days.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 0px;">True compassion is spontaneous and in the moment. It’s revolutionary in its naturalness and sometimes radical in its execution. But the most impressive expressions of compassion are often the ones that go by unnoticed — because they’re anything but fabulous and hardly special. Actions like these set off an immensely transformative ripple effect that reverberates far beyond the scope of what we could even begin to imagine.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 0px;">Getting back to the street-retreat-guy example — If my ability to be compassionate is directly proportionate to <b>MY</b> being able to say I’ve been in some synthetic version of another’s person’s experience, then we’re all really screwed as a human race.<br />
<br />
It’s not the nature of compassion to make it all about <b>I, MY,</b> and <b>ME</b>. It’s simply something that arises when I’m clear about what’s going on in the moment at hand. And it couldn’t have any less to do with “me” so I’d better get out of its way and let it do what it does so well. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 0px;">Clear compassion is as simple and spontaneous as my right hand scratching my left hand when it has an itch. My right hand doesn’t need to pause and consider whether or not to scratch the itch, and it doesn’t think “left hand had better scratch me when I’m feeling itchy too” or anything like that — it simply does what’s called for in the moment in a clear, appropriate, no-big-deal kind of way. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 0px;">Our life situation is constantly changing. The rock star response that makes sense in one moment may be completely incorrect just a moment or two later. That’s why it’s critical that we understand our minds and how we are keeping our minds at all times if we truly want to be of any use in this world. Simply relying on our ideologies, our beliefs, or our thoughts about reality is not going to help anyone at all. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 0px;">We never get it completely “right.” There’s never a time when we’ll always have the perfect response to every situation. And we certainly don’t need to wait until we’re fully awakened beings before we can help alleviate the suffering of others. But if we truly want to be more giving and loving human beings, we have to pay very close attention to the state of our minds in every moment, and not get caught up in our fixed views and ideas about reality.</span></div>
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
<span style="background-color: white; letter-spacing: 0px;">When we can get out of our own way and be fully connected to our moment-to-moment experience, then and only then can we respond to this life with rock star compassion.</span></div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8629269588348682488.post-62224089323183163812014-01-03T14:44:00.000-05:002014-01-03T15:11:14.636-05:00The 3 Step Karma Cleanse<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTBBC9GFvm0FRKsmp3_UEcBF3W_8xrqil-SJ1BkBfjKqPbx8wPRqsJtZC7oOQ1IfbYvgUfWh6X9l2vXf8R77iYsQCCDKjDk1pCOAhPVsD1hAeu8cBX1qUGspsTcTLuXU0VIGJSvINYERyU/s1600/Cleanse-400x266.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgTBBC9GFvm0FRKsmp3_UEcBF3W_8xrqil-SJ1BkBfjKqPbx8wPRqsJtZC7oOQ1IfbYvgUfWh6X9l2vXf8R77iYsQCCDKjDk1pCOAhPVsD1hAeu8cBX1qUGspsTcTLuXU0VIGJSvINYERyU/s320/Cleanse-400x266.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
We’re often being pressured to try any number <a _cke_saved_href="http://www.webmd.com/diet/detox-diets" href="http://www.webmd.com/diet/detox-diets" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">detox diets</a>, fasting programs, and <a _cke_saved_href="http://themastercleanse.org" href="http://themastercleanse.org/" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">master cleanses</a> that promise to rid our bodies of toxins, shed pounds of unwanted body <a _cke_saved_href="http://www.weightlossresources.co.uk/diet/reviews/alternate-day-fasting.htm" href="http://www.weightlossresources.co.uk/diet/reviews/alternate-day-fasting.htm" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">fat</a>, increase our energy levels, and heighten our senses. Improved health, glowing skin, and moving closer to that ever elusive sense of Well-Being are just a few dozen glasses of lemon juice away, or so we’re told. If we simply drink that nasty maple syrup and cayenne pepper concoction, yes, that one that you’ll never see me imbibing unless someone pays me a fortune to do so, we’ll not only look and feel better than ever, but we’ll also clean the hell out of our shitty colons and live forever. </div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
I admit to being <a _cke_saved_href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=that%20guy" href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=that%20guy" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">that guy</a> who rolls his eyes whenever someone enthusiastically tells me about the latest and greatest health plan or extreme diet they’re about to embark on.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
But I’m a hypocrite. </div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
I confess to having my own guilty pleasures when it comes to what may appear on the surface to be extreme and somewhat exotic cleansing methods. Only the ones I get off on don’t involve maple syrup or lemon juice, and unlike the current crop of cleansing diets on the market, these practices can have a direct impact on your karma. </div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
More than once I’ve spent an entire Saturday afternoon doing <a _cke_saved_href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDs2Z8O38JA" href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jDs2Z8O38JA" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">108</a>, 500, 1,000 or 3,000 <a _cke_saved_href="http://london-zen-centre.weebly.com/bowing-prostrations.html" href="http://london-zen-centre.weebly.com/bowing-prostrations.html" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank"><span data-scayt_word="prostrations" data-scaytid="1" style="background-image: url(data:image/gif; background-position: 50% 100% !important; background-repeat: repeat no-repeat !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; text-decoration: none !important;">prostrations</span></a> at a local<a _cke_saved_href="http://www.nychogyesa.org/english/" href="http://www.nychogyesa.org/english/" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank"> Zen Center</a> that left my legs wobbling around like jelly…but my mind feeling clear, open, and ready for anything. The principle behind these bowing practices is that they enable us to put down our small sense of self and quiet our thinking just long enough so that we get a glimpse of our true nature. And in addition to that, when we don’t succumb to our thinking minds and the emotions and behaviors they generate, we cleanse our karma in a very real sense, since we can nip the process in the bud rather than have our karma energy drag us around as if we’re dogs on leashes. </div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
But not everyone can do <span data-scayt_word="prostrations" data-scaytid="2" style="background-image: url(data:image/gif; background-position: 50% 100% !important; background-repeat: repeat no-repeat !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important;">prostrations</span>, nor should anyone be expected to. And there are other methods through which we can transform our habitual thinking and behaviors so that we can conduct ourselves in ways that are karma-neutral or better yet, beneficial towards others. </div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Inspired deeply by the ancient Tibetan <a _cke_saved_href="http:// http://www.prayer4peace.net/practice-instructions.html" href="http:// http://www.prayer4peace.net/practice-instructions.html" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank"><span data-scayt_word="Vajrasattva" data-scaytid="4" style="background-image: url(data:image/gif; background-position: 50% 100% !important; background-repeat: repeat no-repeat !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important; text-decoration: none !important;">Vajrasattva</span></a> Practice, I’ve devised a modern day version of what’s commonly known as a “purification practice” that I hope you’ll find beneficial. It’s fairly straightforward and it’s free of some of the complicated deity visualizing and petitioning rituals that many of us can’t just relate to.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
This method isn’t a substitute for formal practice—whether it be seated or walking meditation, chanting, <span data-scayt_word="prostrations" data-scaytid="5" style="background-image: url(data:image/gif; background-position: 50% 100% !important; background-repeat: repeat no-repeat !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important;">prostrations</span>, or whatever else you can do to be more present and less beholden to your thinking mind. It can however be a useful adjunct to your regular practice and a structured way to review and reflect upon your actions. </div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
I refer to this as a “karma cleanse” since it’s a method through which we can consider our actions and the consequences they may have on ourselves or others. The purpose of this practice is to bring awareness to negative thoughts and behaviors that cause harm to ourselves and others so that we can transform them into something positive that helps ourselves and others. </div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8629269588348682488" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8629269588348682488" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a>* * *</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 20px;"><strong><span style="font-size: 24px;">The 3 STEP KARMA CLEANSE </span></strong></span><br />
<strong style="font-size: 18px;">(Practice Instructions)</strong></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
It’s most appropriate to engage with this practice at the end of your day. Before starting I recommend a period of at least 5-10 minutes of simple meditation practice, whatever kind of practice you wish to do.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Start by repeating a phrase like this three times, either silently or out loud:</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
“May this practice benefit all beings everywhere.”</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Be creative and word this in a way that feels right to you, so long as you’re beginning with a clear intention to do this practice with the intention putting an end to any harmful behaviors and being more naturally helpful to others in the future.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<strong>1. REVIEW </strong></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Take a few moments to review the events of your day and consider what you found troubling, what you found pleasing, and even those things you have no strong feelings about. Choose one thing you did which you feel may have been harmful to yourself and/or others, as well as all of the consequences of your actions—both those you're already aware of as well as the potential impact that your behavior may have caused which you may never be aware of. </div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
It doesn’t matter how great or small this negative behavior was, just as long as you can come up with a thought pattern or behavior that’s clearly in need of review and reform. Don’t use this as an opportunity to obsess, to wallow in guilt, or to engage in any other kind of self-flagellating behavior, just do your best to be objective during this step and reflect on any actions you engaged in that caused harm to yourself or others. </div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Example: Today I spoke negatively about John and planted seeds of doubt and misinformation in the minds of others, and they may cause them to have a negative view of him.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<strong>2. RENEW</strong></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
The simple act of holding something in your awareness is what begins the process of transforming it. When you can very openly and honestly take a good hard look at your negative actions, you’re then empowered to do something about them, and you won’t be as likely to repeat them in the future. </div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
During this step, be very clear on how at odds your behavior was with your overall intention for your practice or for you life, whatever that might be. Whether your intention is to not pollute the earth, to be more sensitive to others, to meditate every day, or to be kinder to your body, just rouse within your mind and heart a very clear sense of the discrepancy between your actions and your intentions. Again, this is not a time to feel bad about yourself, it’s a time to fearlessly consider how your actions may be out of sync with your aspirations.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Once you’ve done this, renew your intention or vow and say it silently to yourself three times or say it aloud if that’s possible. </div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Example: Speaking negatively about John and misrepresenting him to others today is at odds with my intention to speak of others in ways that are honest and don’t cause any harm to their reputation.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
My renewed Intention: “May I always speak about others in ways that are accurate and positive.”</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<strong>3. REDO</strong></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
At this final stage you’ve brought some awareness to any behaviors which may have caused harm to yourself and/or others, and you’ve renewed your intention which can help inspire you to perform an alternate, harmless action in the future when similar circumstances arise.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
In the redo stage, consider what alternate, positive behaviors are possible when similar circumstances arise again in the future. It may sound odd but just by considering an alternate way of behaving in the world, you create within your mind’s arsenal more tools and methods of behavior you can work with when circumstances present themselves that may normally inspire the negative, habitual behavior you’re trying to transform.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Example: The next time I’m tempted to speak poorly about someone else, I can simply remain quiet, or if I must, I can voice my concerns about someone in a way that is constructive, accurate, and not meant to damage their reputation.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
After this step, you can repeat the following phrases if you like, or come up with any wording that you feel more comfortable with:</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em; text-align: center;">
<strong>"May this practice benefit all beings everywhere."</strong></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em; text-align: center;">
<strong>"May this practice allow more clarity and peace to awaken in my mind."</strong></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em; text-align: center;">
<strong>"May my thoughts and actions from this day forward free all</strong></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em; text-align: center;">
<strong>beings from suffering and the causes of suffering."</strong></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em; text-align: center;">
<strong>"May my thoughts and actions from this day forward</strong></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em; text-align: center;">
<strong>inspire happiness and all the causes of happiness."</strong></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em; text-align: center;">
<strong>"May this practice enable my heart to open and extend itself to every</strong></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em; text-align: center;">
<strong>being in every direction in every universe both seen and unseen."</strong></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
To wrap it up, you can bow, smoke a cigarette, have a shot, or do whatever you wish to make it feel like you’re closing the session out and really sealing the deal in your mind and heart to do better in the future. </div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: 18px;"><strong>* * *</strong></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Once we place some awareness on our actions and the effects they generate, we then have the opportunity to clarify or redefine our intention. And once we do this, we’ll be more likely to conduct ourselves in ways that help rather than harm when similar circumstances present themselves again in the future.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">
- <a _cke_saved_href="http://www.lawrencegrecco.com" href="http://www.lawrencegrecco.com/" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">Lawrence Grecco</a></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px;">
Join me and Kimberly Brown on Wednesday January 8 for our 2nd Annual Setting an Intention for the New Year Ceremony - for more information and to register, please visit <a _cke_saved_href="http://www.theidproject.org/events/2014/01/08/free-members-event-2nd-annual-intention-setting-ceremony" href="http://www.theidproject.org/events/2014/01/08/free-members-event-2nd-annual-intention-setting-ceremony" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">HERE</a>.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8629269588348682488.post-24039645478237869862013-12-27T13:20:00.002-05:002014-01-03T15:11:05.465-05:00Seven New Year's Intentions you can Keep (Because Resolutions Suck)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNDKaVUX8FvAeEU8I6xl7pWOwmqQSyUCfQuBnWZEzC6AMb4lUYFIVBEZEFjN0m2pkhCeyYNqUjEjpmOAq6x3urov996vxGVyn9skVW0yQOaLES4PZKKesIt1PmiEsjo_ba8TZyucbzQDX3/s1600/clock_0.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiNDKaVUX8FvAeEU8I6xl7pWOwmqQSyUCfQuBnWZEzC6AMb4lUYFIVBEZEFjN0m2pkhCeyYNqUjEjpmOAq6x3urov996vxGVyn9skVW0yQOaLES4PZKKesIt1PmiEsjo_ba8TZyucbzQDX3/s1600/clock_0.jpeg" /></a></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
I'm not a big fan of the word "<a _cke_saved_href="http://www.forbes.com/sites/dandiamond/2013/01/01/just-8-of-people-achieve-their-new-years-resolutions-heres-how-they-did-it/" href="http://www.forbes.com/sites/dandiamond/2013/01/01/just-8-of-people-achieve-their-new-years-resolutions-heres-how-they-did-it/" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">resolution</a>" because there's something very rigid about it, and goal-setting in the usual sense can set you up for failure and frustration.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Having an <a _cke_saved_href="http://buddhism.about.com/od/theeightfoldpath/a/right-intention.htm" href="http://buddhism.about.com/od/theeightfoldpath/a/right-intention.htm" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">intention</a>, however, is like planting some seeds with the aspiration that they eventually blossom, without knowing exactly how things will look in the end. If we set an <a _cke_saved_href="http://www.thebigview.com/buddhism/eightfoldpath.html" href="http://www.thebigview.com/buddhism/eightfoldpath.html" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">intention</a> rather than a resolution, we open ourselves up to a variety of possible outcomes, some of which might be more appropriate and useful than we might be able to currently imagine. If we set a specific goal, we might get stuck on that goal and are more likely to fixate on how we things ought to be, and in so doing we might miss out on other, potentially better outcomes. </div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Since things always <a _cke_saved_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impermanence" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Impermanence" style="color: #565656;">changing</a>, we need to be flexible enough so that when circumstances and conditions around us change, we can adapt as needed rather than resist and be at odds with life, always striving towards a narrow goal that just might not make sense anymore, given the way things have evolved over time.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
I always encourage people to set some intentions for themselves throughout the year, but doing so when a new year is about to begin can be particularly meaningful and potent.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Here are some New Year's Intentions that most of us could benefit from:</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8629269588348682488" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8629269588348682488" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"></a><strong>1. MEDITATE</strong> - Set aside at least a few minutes each day to be silent and still so you can learn how to work with your mind and notice what it’s doing moment after moment. It’s more important to do a minimum amount of practice regularly than a maximum amount of practice sporadically. Translation: five minutes a day, five to seven days a week is better than forty five minutes once or twice a week. And remember that you can make a meditation out of your whole life—always noticing what your mind is doing in each moment of the day, regardless of what’s going on around you. Doing this allows the mud settle so you can have some clarity and peace of mind.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<strong>2. GIVE '<span data-scayt_word="TIL" data-scaytid="1" style="background-image: url(data:image/gif; background-position: 50% 100% !important; background-repeat: repeat no-repeat !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important;">TIL</span> IT DOESN’T HURT</strong> - Practice <a _cke_saved_href="http://buddhism.about.com/od/basicbuddhistteachings/a/giving.htm" href="http://buddhism.about.com/od/basicbuddhistteachings/a/giving.htm" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">generosity</a> even when you're not in the most generous of moods, even when you feel like you'd much rather be the recipient than the giver. Generosity can come in many forms: offering a compliment, a gift, assistance up the stairs, emotional support. And when you’re being generous, practice doing so so without any expectation of gaining something in return. Be careful not to confuse generosity with currency—it’s not about giving and having someone owe you in return, it’s about giving with the realization that when you give to others you are giving to yourself as well. Generosity is one of the best antidotes for stinginess or sadness. </div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<strong>3. DON’T BE YOUR BRAIN’S <a _cke_saved_href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bitch" href="http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=bitch" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">BITCH</a></strong> - Don’t indulge the thoughts and inner voices that keep you mired in the past and worrying about the future, or cause you to criticize yourself and others. And remember there’s no need to try so hard to make those thoughts and inner voices disappear. Trying to eradicate every thought that arises will only make them stronger. And getting wrapped up in your thoughts serves no useful purpose and not only ends up making you feel bad, but also inspires you to behave in ways that end up making yourself and others feel worse. This isn't about repressing your thoughts or pretending they aren't there, but just about not giving any weight to them anymore. Notice them but don’t be ruled by them. Learning how to do this will change your life dramatically.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<strong>4. COMMUNICATE KINDLY</strong> - Recognize the power of <a _cke_saved_href="http://www.accesstoinsight.org/ptf/dhamma/sacca/sacca4/samma-vaca/" href="http://www.accesstoinsight.org/ptf/dhamma/sacca/sacca4/samma-vaca/" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">speech</a> and use words wisely, in ways that help rather than harm. True freedom of speech doesn’t mean just saying anything that comes to mind simply because you can. Be aware that the words we choose and use have a very real impact on ourselves and others. It’s possible to be honest without being cruel. Some guidelines to consider with regard to whatever you’re about to say, write, text or email: Is it true, useful, appropriate, and does it help rather than harm? If the answer to all of these is “yes”, you’re on the right track. Disclaimer: appropriate speech doesn’t always have to look or sound “nice,” just so long as it’s fueled by love and compassion for others. </div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<strong>5. PRACTICE RANDOM SMILING</strong> - Look people in the eye and <a _cke_saved_href="http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/7-benefits-smiling-and-laughing.html" href="http://www.lifehack.org/articles/communication/7-benefits-smiling-and-laughing.html" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">smile</a> at them even if you think there's absolutely no chance you'll ever see them or need them ever again. This applies to the bank teller, the grocery store checkout clerk, a homeless person, your next door neighbor, your annoying mother, just about anyone you might encounter on any given day. And notice if you feel slighted if they don’t smile back or respond, because having it be reciprocal isn’t the point. When you practice random smiling, do so as freely and indiscriminately as the rain falls or as unconditionally as the sun shines. This practice can change the way you view others as well as yourself. It can also shift someone’s mood for the better and this will have an impact on everyone else they come into contact with that day. The ripple effect of random smiling is massive!</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<strong>6. PAY ATTENTION</strong> - Notice whatever is going on around you at all times. Not in an obsessive way, but in a clear and appreciative way. Notice when you’re zoning out throughout the day, or when you’re rushing through the things you consider an unpleasant chore or a nuisance. It’s possible to wash the dishes with complete presence and care. Shoveling the shit off of a sidewalk can involve the same close attention and appreciation you’d give to arranging a vase of flowers. Keep an open and curious attitude toward the unique experience unfolding before you in each and every moment. Don’t miss out on your life by constantly picking and choosing, liking and disliking, pushing and pulling. When you learn to appreciate things as they are regardless of whether they’re in tune with your preferences, you create the conditions to be content and happy regardless of what’s going on around you.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<strong>7. REMEMBER WHAT WE ALL HAVE IN COMMON</strong> - Everyone two things in common: the desire to be happy, and the desire to not suffer. Keeping this in mind can make it easier not to see others as somehow separate from you. Not seeing others as separate from you enables you to see to feel more connected to others, and in turn you’ll be able to function more clearly and appropriately in this world.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
-<a _cke_saved_href="http://www.lawrencegrecco.com" href="http://www.lawrencegrecco.com/" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank"><span style="color: #565656;">Lawrence </span><span data-scayt_word="Grecco" data-scaytid="2" style="color: #565656;">Grecco</span></a></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<div style="color: #919194; font-family: Helvetica; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 12px;">
</div>
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
</div>
<div class="content" style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8629269588348682488.post-82587591415584251032013-12-24T02:17:00.000-05:002013-12-24T02:37:15.185-05:00How to have a Hopeless and Happy Holiday <div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 11px; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMMd8GgP1J7A4wf-z77GAqistfxT4m0aVgFavaiMGmmymEU_U1A5BiPPQKYOK5onSpXINEbjcBaDz4s_3mXWFOkSmTEI0hdCYVbonkAAyssNLvR5Wi10NpuNbQQpcY_HjCre-cjglO4MgR/s1600/dawnX.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="178" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMMd8GgP1J7A4wf-z77GAqistfxT4m0aVgFavaiMGmmymEU_U1A5BiPPQKYOK5onSpXINEbjcBaDz4s_3mXWFOkSmTEI0hdCYVbonkAAyssNLvR5Wi10NpuNbQQpcY_HjCre-cjglO4MgR/s320/dawnX.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">For most of us, this is an extremely charged time of year, emotionally and otherwise. The pressure and the expectations around <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christmas" target="_blank">Christmas</a> and <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1598822/" target="_blank">New Year’s Eve</a> are intenseenough to tempt even the most tranquil of Buddhas among us to fly off their cushions in a frenzy of yuletide-induced melodrama. During this sentimental time of year, memories of better days have a way of creeping into our consciousness and invading our hearts. All our family’s shortcomings suddenly seem all the more sharp and disappointing. Those of us who are single yearn to spend Christmas eve snuggled in front of a crackling fire with that elusive, special Someone. And those of us in relationships are usually dissatisfied about something about our partners. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Given all of the intensive marketing and years of tradition built into this holiday, you’d think that more of us would be swept up in all its magical glory and cheerful spirit—but in reality, this week has a way of producing the exact opposite response. Despite the symbolism, the decorations, and those insidious Christmas carols blaring out of every pharmacy, supermarket, and shopping mall sound system, we feel lonely, wistful, detached, stressed out, wounded, anxious.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Considering how this is supposed to be a joyous <a href="http://people.howstuffworks.com/culture-traditions/holidays/christmas4.htm" target="_blank">celebration</a> of the birth of Jesus Christ, one of the coolest people who ever lived, Christmas kind of sucks.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">I struggled with this Christmas thing for a very long time. For years I felt inadequate because I was single for just about every Christmas Eve and Christmas day of my life. Some years ago, when I was finally in a significant relationship that seemed to have legs, I imagined what our first holiday together would be like. I had it all figured out in my head—down to what we’d do, where we’d go, what kinds of gifts we’d exchange, what we’d say. It really was an amazing Christmas, the best ever in fact…in my head, that is. In reality, it was this time of year that highlighted what a closet hot mess he really was, and it took me about six months to extricate myself from that very unpleasant situation.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">The thing that trips us up the most this time of year is the expectation we bring to it. The <a href="http://www.buddhanet.net/4noble11.htm" target="_blank">second noble truth</a> clarifies that the reason we feel so uneasy, so dissatisfied, and so vexed so much of the time is due to our tendency to want stuff and our habit of attaching to stuff. Our desire and attachment takes many forms—we want pleasure, a more nurturing family, we want certain kinds of situations, we want an iPad, a new pair of shoes, we desire a better job, more money, a perfect spouse, a better mother, the perfect Christmas—you name it. We want many, many things in the erroneous belief that once we acquire the object of our desire, then and only then will we ever be truly happy. And it never works out that way, but yet we keep on doing the same thing over and over again. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">It’s perfectly human to want something and to get attached to things—but the moment we want something, we have to understand that part of the deal with wanting something is that there’s a degree of suffering built into anything we could ever want, attach to, or hope for. That’s just the deal because nothing stays the same forever: sometimes we get the thing we want and we lose it. Or it isn’t what we hoped it would be. Or we get the thing we want but along with it comes a whole host of problems that weren’t there before and wouldn’t be had we not acquired that thing we were certain would bring us so much happiness. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">The problem with hoping for anything is that we set ourselves up for extreme disappointment since life rarely transpires in a way we could ever adequately predict. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">This probably sounds like a real downer of a message given the prevailing philosophy of Christmas time, with all of its emphasis on dreams coming true, and the importance of hope. Aspiring and working towards a better life situation isn’t unreasonable. Preferring that life works out in a way that is pleasing rather than displeasing to us is perfectly logical. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">But we run into trouble when our preferences turn into requirements for our happiness. When our ideas and concepts about “how things ought to be” start to take over, reality can never manage to measure up and we set ourselves up for a big emotional drop because our hopes and dreams about our lives are frequently in stark contrast to the reality of our lives. And as a result we think we have a big problem when in fact there is no problem at all (other than the one we created by placing certain demands on reality that we deem appropriate).</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">During this holiday, I invite you to practice with dropping your ideas, your expectations, your concepts, and yes, even your hopes about how things would have to look in order for you to have a decent, or dare I say, happy holiday. We can appreciate everything much more by simply experiencing things as they are without being so attached to how we wish they were. This time of year is the ideal time to practice with dropping the story we bring to every person, every experience, and every situation. We can look at everyone and everything around us with a fresh set of eyes, almost as if we’re observing humanity and mortal life with a curiosity rather than an agenda. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 13px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">If you can approach this holiday season with true <a href="http://www.insightmeditationcenter.org/books-articles/articles/not-knowing/" target="_blank">hopelessness</a>, happiness has a chance to arise. The hopelessness I’m talking about here isn’t despair, bleakness, pessimism or cynicism, but rather a dropping of rigid expectations about how you think everyone should act and how everything should be. It’s a hopelessness that frees us from our narrow view of life, and leaves open a greater sense of possibility and peace. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; min-height: 13px;">
<br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">May you have a hopeless, happy holiday.</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8629269588348682488.post-12757306303167267302013-12-16T11:14:00.000-05:002013-12-16T11:15:00.471-05:00Seven Buddhist Vows for the Holiday Season<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I first wrote this last year and thought I'd reblog it today:</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; line-height: 16px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 16px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">This time of year can be extremely challenging for many of us. There's all kinds of pressure and expectations in the air. Strained family relationships often come to a head, and memories of past holidays have a way of creeping their way back into our consciousness.</span></span><br />
<div style="background-color: white; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">These seven vows can help get us through these next few weeks because they address a lot of the issues we get confronted with amidst the chaos created by holiday parties, family gatherings, and intensive capitalist marketing.</span></div>
<ol style="background-color: white; line-height: 16px; margin: 1em 0px; padding-left: 2em;">
<li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I vow to keep a curious and open mind when relating to others, and to refrain from assuming things about them.</span></li>
<li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I vow to maintain a fresh outlook when dealing with friends and family, and to refrain from interpreting their every word and deed.</span></li>
<li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I vow to be mindful of of my own actions and their potential consequences, and to refrain from judging the actions of others.</span></li>
<li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I vow to cultivate harmony whenever possible, and to refrain from contributing to situations that promote conflict.</span></li>
<li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I vow to be fully present with things as they are now, and to refrain from indulging negative stories about my past.</span></li>
<li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I vow to speak kindly, and to refrain from speech that inspires divisiveness. </span></li>
<li style="margin: 0px; padding: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I vow to practice loving-kindness without expecting anything back in return</span><span style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, Bitstream Vera Sans, sans-serif;">.</span></li>
</ol>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>Feel free to enlarge the below graphic and use it wherever you like:</b></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRFeAN5cCNGcDKm_yDUV8dSrEiwODa6lLK7fcz37Sl4wh5rLY7qffcoTILbo13M77hA6fhYed1SJT23lM89449dytYv6yCGjrgrbBh2Hf8sZrNcr6GG9kfH-3NBH7Q_oRG6i4d13OGWaSW/s1600/7VOWS.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="134" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRFeAN5cCNGcDKm_yDUV8dSrEiwODa6lLK7fcz37Sl4wh5rLY7qffcoTILbo13M77hA6fhYed1SJT23lM89449dytYv6yCGjrgrbBh2Hf8sZrNcr6GG9kfH-3NBH7Q_oRG6i4d13OGWaSW/s320/7VOWS.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, Bitstream Vera Sans, sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 16px;"><br /></span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8629269588348682488.post-31790214240408522752013-12-13T14:43:00.000-05:002013-12-13T23:05:16.627-05:00Exquisite Loneliness<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOpahSDWp6EnuOVtOD40pilBYEy1jQXSOPBf569OT66nSYZ7fvQaopUO06DLrMn3yC3RJhlGExHg2EwfCr2q0tzFGfYny0NspUqqXk9enuOOKqO1QKdtWGz1tCi_lpNR09FfyvzoC4yVcl/s1600/acu.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOpahSDWp6EnuOVtOD40pilBYEy1jQXSOPBf569OT66nSYZ7fvQaopUO06DLrMn3yC3RJhlGExHg2EwfCr2q0tzFGfYny0NspUqqXk9enuOOKqO1QKdtWGz1tCi_lpNR09FfyvzoC4yVcl/s1600/acu.jpg" /></a></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Loneliness has always been the most terrifying and unacceptable emotion for me to sit with. For most of my life I’ve had this nagging sense that somehow I’m just not really understood or connected enough, and therefore not complete enough because that one ideal person isn’t here yet. That mythological person who totally “gets” me, that amazing human being who truly knows me inside out and appreciates each little quirk of mine, every under-appreciated talent, and every aspect of my incredibly important life story.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Wikipedia defines <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Loneliness" rel="nofollow" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">loneliness</a> this way:</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<em><strong>Loneliness is a complex and usually unpleasant emotional response to isolation or lack of companionship. Loneliness typically includes anxious feelings about a lack of connectedness or community with other beings, both in the present and extending into the future. As such, loneliness can be felt even when surrounded by other people.</strong></em></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<div style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
What’s really complex thing about loneliness is that just like every other emotion and mind-state, it’s really quite vague and unsubstantial when you consider it closely. It can be present even while in the midst of a crowd of people, and it can wear away at one’s heart even when married or otherwise involved. And of course, those of us who are single can often feel very lonely, especially during certain times of the year when we’re all flooded with images of the perfect <a _cke_saved_href="http://www.stltoday.com/entertainment/books-and-literature/book-blog/was-norman-rockwell-gay-family-aghast-at-biography/article_2e608e9d-4224-5a20-b076-49bad1177a5d.html" href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8629269588348682488" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">family</a> and <a _cke_saved_href="http://www.usatoday.com/story/happyeverafter/2013/11/13/three-things-mary-kay-andrews-elizabeth-boyle-chelle-cordero/3511649/" href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8629269588348682488" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">blissful</a> moments of togetherness.</div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Since the somewhat <a _cke_saved_href="http://www.theidproject.org/blog/lawrence-grecco/2013/04/05/grateful-broken-heart" href="http://www.theidproject.org/blog/lawrence-grecco/2013/04/05/grateful-broken-heart" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">public</a> ending of my relationship earlier this year, I’ve had a lot of time to more deeply examine the true nature of loneliness, and as a result my relationship to it has shifted dramatically.</div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Recently I tried dating someone who I’d been idealizing in my mind for a few years. During the first ten minutes of our first date, it was abundantly clear that he was just plain wrong for me. In that short time he managed to display every single trait that I later found to be…troubling. Yet I spent the next month trying to make it work, despite mounting evidence that we simply weren’t a good fit. I endured what in retrospect was a lot of erratic behavior which consistently fluctuated between mildly disrespectful and overtly rude. And after a few weeks of this he actually ended up being the one to tell me it wasn't working for him, which on my end felt like more of a relief than anything else. But I was struck by how I was essentially being rejected by a reject, all out of my overwhelming desire to link up with someone new, regardless of how immature and unstable.</div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
My tolerance for this guy’s less-than-stellar treatment toward me can’t be attributed to low self-esteem, because fortunately low self-esteem has never really been an affliction I suffer from. (In fact, it wouldn't kill me to part with some of my high self-esteem). But what I learned from this brief dating experience was how willing I was to subject myself to inappropriate behavior, just because I saw this person as the potential medicine that could heal my vaguely lonely heart.</div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
As soon as that association was over, I really started looking very closely at what had been driving me during that time, and what it was that had fueled much of my relationship behavior throughout most of my life. And I realized that I’d been inadvertently cultivating this pervading loneliness of mine, even though I’ve always believed that I wanted to make it go away. I was nurturing it with my attention, energy, and a complicated narrative I’d built around it. Whenever feelings of loneliness or disconnection would arise, I’d instinctively try and fix it somehow in any number of ways that corresponded to the intensity of the feeling. But in the long term, nothing I did ever solved the “problem” of loneliness.</div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
In short, I was loneliness’ bitch without even realizing it. My lonely feelings and the thoughts and physical sensations that accompanied it were dictating how I behaved, who I got involved with, and how long I’d stay in friendships and romantic relationships, regardless of whether they were appropriate for me or not. I would put up with situations and bad behavior on the part of others because I had an underlying belief that it’s better to be with someone who’s clearly inappropriate for me than to be…alone. </div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Loneliness always felt so powerful that I’d go to all lengths to try and make it disappear - through escapist behaviors, by indulging every fleeting craving and appeasing as many sense desires as I could, or by simply attempting to distract myself from it’s very existence. I tried it all.</div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
When our habitual response to any aspect of our experience is proven to not only be ineffective but potentially more harmful, the only sane thing to do is to try a different way of being.</div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
So lately I’ve been practicing by hanging out with my loneliness, without adding anything to it by dredging up stories about my sad childhood, my failed relationships, or my less than perfect parents. I just experience it as it is and notice the thoughts and physical sensations that go along with it. That’s it. And once the lonely feelings start to pass (and they do have a way of passing quickly when I don’t stoke it with my stories and attention) I realize that it’s really quite an exquisite feeling when I just have the courage to simply experience it on its own terms. </div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<br />The Free Dictionary defines <a _cke_saved_href="http://www.thefreedictionary.com/exquisite" href="http://www.thefreedictionary.com/exquisite" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">exquisite</a>:</div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<strong><em>exquisite </em></strong></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<strong><em>1. possessing qualities of unusual delicacy and fine craftsmanship jewels in an exquisite setting</em></strong></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<strong><em>2. extremely beautiful and pleasing an exquisite face</em></strong></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<strong><em>3. outstanding or excellent an exquisite victory</em></strong></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<strong><em>4. sensitive; discriminating exquisite taste</em></strong></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<strong><em>5. fastidious and refined</em></strong></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<strong><em>6. intense or sharp in feeling exquisite pleasure exquisite pain</em></strong></div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
The delicate, finely crafted nature of loneliness can inspire feelings of terror, sadness, and resistance. And feelings like that can make us feel so fragile and vulnerable that we need to armor up in all of our habitual and useless ways. But instead of fixating on feelings of loneliness as a true and accurate reflection of ourselves as some fixed, isolated, and unchangeable creatures, we can shift our perspective and view it as a beautiful reminder that we’re alive and human and not really separate from anyone or anything at all. We are already <a _cke_saved_href="https://www.lamayeshe.com/?sect=article&id=662" href="https://www.lamayeshe.com/?sect=article&id=662" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">complete</a>, and this <a _cke_saved_href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buddhist_meditation" href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Buddhist_meditation" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">practice</a> we engage in can bring us back to our inherently complete and clear <a _cke_saved_href="http://www.pbs.org/thebuddha/blog/2010/Mar/9/dalai-lama-buddha-nature/" href="http://www.pbs.org/thebuddha/blog/2010/Mar/9/dalai-lama-buddha-nature/" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">nature</a>. We aren’t a puzzle that needs to be solved or a fixer upper in need of major renovations - we already have within us everything we could ever need and the more we understand that, the less desperate we’ll be when faced with feelings of loneliness. </div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Let’s face it—none of the things we normally do to try and remedy our loneliness ever really work. We can get trapped however because at first, appeasing our sense desires, distracting ourselves, numbing out, or hooking up with that new person initially does seem to do the trick and eradicate that big bad Loneliness. But eventually we always have to come back to ourselves and we're always left with life as it is, and things as they are. </div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
And sometimes life feels a bit lonely, and that doesn’t have to be catastrophic unless we make it that. </div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
It’s very human and very healthy to connect with others and to form deep and intimate friendships, work associations, romantic relationships, and family bonds. But we can’t accurately and fully connect with others until we stop seeing ourselves as incomplete creatures in need of repair by some external source. </div>
<div style="line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
When we keep coming back to ourselves as we truly are and this life as it truly is, loneliness no longer has to feel so threatening. Instead, it can be experienced as just another example of the vast and limitless potential of our minds. </div>
<div style="font-size: 12px;">
<br /></div>
</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8629269588348682488.post-80573824642353256262013-12-06T14:54:00.001-05:002013-12-06T23:07:23.378-05:00The Only Way to be a Good Buddhist<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgs1LMcOC3S4GrmeAaPwDDMy9EWIWtj05TxgzKBd4RsK6ddWXkXxPWkOz_trjO8xjAXP_KzUylL9KhcQorrGBb-vbH9LrwWEfsC7YVFOwFwAvA9vka-9A1TC4ysNkTqoUXw6Z1dtQko6kPE/s1600/halo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgs1LMcOC3S4GrmeAaPwDDMy9EWIWtj05TxgzKBd4RsK6ddWXkXxPWkOz_trjO8xjAXP_KzUylL9KhcQorrGBb-vbH9LrwWEfsC7YVFOwFwAvA9vka-9A1TC4ysNkTqoUXw6Z1dtQko6kPE/s320/halo.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Recently I received an email from someone who's about to ordain as a Zen monk in a different order than mine in another country that's very much like our own. His questions brought up a lot of important issues that apply not only to those of us who are ordained or wish to ordain at some point, but to anyone on any kind of spiritual path, whether it be Buddhist or not. <img src="http://www.theidproject.org/sites/all/modules/wysiwyg/plugins/break/images/spacer.gif" style="border: 0px;" /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
I'm sharing a few excerpts from his email to me along with my response:</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<em><strong>Dear Lawrence,</strong></em></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">
<div style="margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<em><strong>I will be ordaining as a Zen monk in a few months and I have some questions for you. Since we have no monastery, I will be living in a private home as you do. Do you entertain? Do you go to shows and movies, concerts and pub performances? How do you respond to requests for dates? I'm not looking for you to answer my life choices, but I would like to thear about your experience.</strong></em></div>
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">
<em><strong>I'm simply looking to respond the best for those around me. You know from experience, people look upon clergy with different eyes. I don't want to plant the wrong seed and, as a Christian might say, 'be the wrong kind of witness'.</strong></em></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">
<em><strong>I would like your learned opinion.</strong></em></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px;">
<em><strong><span style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, Bitstream Vera Sans, sans-serif;">Yours, (name withheld)</span></strong></em></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Dear ________,</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
I'm so happy and excited for you and your decision to ordain. It's obvious that you're very driven to help others and make a difference in this world, and by doing so you are touching the lives of innumerable beings through your good work and sincere intention. And I wish to thank you for that.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
To answer your questions directly--yes, I do go to movies, I do like to eat out with friends, and I also go to bars on occasion. Sometimes I do entertain guests at home, but in a smallish New York City studio apartment this can be very challenging! And when someone asks me out on a date I do go out with them if I am interested in getting to know them.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
As I see it, it's very, very important to be the most accurate and helpful version of yourself possible. There's no need to act a certain way after ordaining, so long as you refrain from harming others, and better yet, help others whenever, wherever, and however possible. So we mustn't ever be afraid of who we are--we should embrace who we are and make use of all of our unique qualities to their fullest, highest potential. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
I'm grateful to live the life of a lay person as well as a monk, because I find that wherever I go, people are usually very interested when they hear that part of what I do in life is teach about Buddhism and meditation. Just about everyone seems to want to meditate and/or learn about Buddhist practices and philosophy, but they think they can't because they feel that they're too screwed up or that they have to get their brains to stop thinking in order to meditate, or that they're just too far gone for any kind of meaningful spiritual practice. And it's immensely fulfilling for me whenver I have the opportunity to connect with all kinds of people in all kinds of real-world situations and environments. Doing so gives me the opportunity to share whatever aspect of the dharma might be most helpful to them, given who they are and what their current life situation is like. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
In Japan there's a <a href="http://travel.spotcoolstuff.com/unusual-bar/buddhist-monks/vow-bar-tokyo" rel="nofollow" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">bar</a> where Zen monks serve as bartenders as a way to encourage young people to visit their temples and give meditation a try, and this is a wonderful example of <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Upaya" rel="nofollow" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">expedient means</a>. We always have to meet people wherever they are and help them however they need to be helped (assuming they need any help from us at all) without getting stuck on our ideas about what it means to be helpful.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Have you ever heard the story about the Korean Zen monk Won Hyo? His teacher once took him to a<a href="http://books.google.com/books?id=s1bVW5R42p4C&pg=PA62&lpg=PA62&dq=wonhyo+will+save+me&source=bl&ots=JECUIGSzrl&sig=tpQC2FDqM0MEBQAT5VoifqfGqQM&hl=en&sa=X&ei=PiGiUuKXJtPQsATHhYDgCg&ved=0CDQQ6AEwAQ#v=onepage&q=wonhyo%20will%20save%20me&f=false" rel="nofollow" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">brothel</a> and had him break just about every vow he'd taken in order to teach him about the importance of being in service to people rather than precepts. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
The only wrong seeds you could ever plant would be to try and pretend to be someone you're not, or to try to fit yourself into an idea or concept of what a teacher or a monk is supposed to be. Of course, we need to observe some common-sense protocals and to be mindful that we're setting an example to others, at least to some degree--but that doesn't mean we have to pretend to be otherworldly people who never have to contend with everyday human challenges like anger, sadness, and yes, even confusion. True wisdom and an awakened heart don't eliminate our human experiences--they simple enable us to contain the whole of our experience with more clarity and perspective so that we don't have to be quite so beholden to every fleeting mind-state. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
So I take great care not to allow myself to be an object of someone else's projections of what a spiritual person is or what a Zen monk ought to be. All I can do is to be the most accurate expression of myself possible in this life, and hopefully by example, I can encourage others to do the same. As I see it, this approach makes the path more appealing and accessible to more people because it no longer feels so exclusive, so "holy," or so reserved for those who don't have sex or drink or don't have to earn a living and pay bills. I do all of these things--and this fact enables me to better relate to people and their real-life concerns, whether they're students, friends, family, or complete strangers. I wouldn't follow the advice of a fitness trainer if he himself didn't work out and deal with dietary issues, mental blocks, and occasional injuries. I'd benefit much more from someone who engages in the same kind of physical activity that I do, and perhaps even more so.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
This is how I see our role here.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
In the 21st Century we have the opportunity to reach the multitudes of people who are so thoroughly turned off by any form of spiritual practice as a result of all the damage that's been done by many traditional religions and all of their exclusionary, discriminatory, and often hypocritical practices. As I see it, celibacy no longer gives anyone the moral high ground, nor does it necessarily carry with it the mystique of spiritual superiority it once did. People in this day and age need a way of relating spiritually to themselves and the world around them that's rooted in their real life experience, not outdated rituals and rules.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
I admire and support those who honestly feel that a life of celibacy is correct choice for them--and for many it absolutely is the best possible way to live. But refraining from intimate human relationships should not be compulsory, but voluntary for anyone who wishes to formalize their role by becoming a teacher, priest, monk, or lay practitioner. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
For the most part, Buddhism in the West has a relatively positive reputation, and that's partially due to the fact that we don't prescribe any one-size-fits-all approaches to life, nor do we have any rigid rules or beliefs that people must mindlessly subscribe to. What's most unique about the Buddhist path is that the onus is always on each individual to save themselves through deep introspection and exploration. No one can save us but ourselves, and no one else but us can truly know what's "right" or "wrong" in each situation we encounter. But this kind of judgment comes from a very good understanding of who we truly are, and this understanding leads to a crystal clear view of what's going on around us and what our role is in each and every situation. When this happens, then the "right" or "correct" response arises naturally and without any effort.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
You say that you are looking to respond in the best way possible to those around you, and this makes me very happy because I truly believe that this is the main purpose of being a monk! The best way you can possibly respond to those around you is to always be an accurate and full expression of the unique person you are, and to encourage others to do the same both through your words and by your example. And if that happens to look somewhat unconventional or somehow at odds with what most people might expect of you, then so be it. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
If at some point I come to the conclusion that being a monk isn't the most helpful role I can inhabit, I'll drop it like a hot potato. I'm no longer as attached to being a monk as I used to be and that's a good thing. There may be a time when I can be of better use to people as a bank teller or a lawyer or a garbage man or perhaps even as a barista at Starbucks. I'll do whatever makes the most sense for wherever I'm at throughout my life and I encourage you to do the same.<br />
<br />
So never be afraid of who you really are and make use of this as much as you possibly can. Please always be sure to keep a strong, open heart and mind, one that is always "<a href="https://www.facebook.com/DHAMMAGAVESI" rel="nofollow" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">not knowing</a>" so that you'll always be of service to others in each moment of your life.<br />
<br />
Kindly,<br />
<br />
Lawrence</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8629269588348682488.post-31553180772311107082013-11-15T15:42:00.000-05:002013-11-15T15:42:07.723-05:00Four Ways to Meditate When you're very, very Sick<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjKcOfoKiItgrSREzewkL7X9FzIw3LaldHnzZPWC5s_z1r0bQ82TcfLYLxgKkboWm7Qjp3MmxwbCyBrkpYAGZZLgXIfl5I6jBhOHEmW-_v4jBEFNCOYrhaLd40c45tZWUcSXcXZ18r_ASt/s1600/sick.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="292" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjKcOfoKiItgrSREzewkL7X9FzIw3LaldHnzZPWC5s_z1r0bQ82TcfLYLxgKkboWm7Qjp3MmxwbCyBrkpYAGZZLgXIfl5I6jBhOHEmW-_v4jBEFNCOYrhaLd40c45tZWUcSXcXZ18r_ASt/s320/sick.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
I’ve been very sick all week with an upper respiratory infection, which made practicing the way I normally do -- seated upright on a cushion with my hands joined just under my navel -- nearly impossible.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
It’s hard to follow your breath when you can’t breathe fully and when you’re coughing every minute or two. It’s difficult to sit upright when your body aches and it’s all you can do to just get yourself out of bed. So for the past five days I had to adapt my practice to my situation.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Here are some ways I managed to practice with certain aspects of my experience:</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<strong>1. BREATH </strong>- Although the simple act of breathing became quite challenging, there was still breath happening underneath all that sickness, so I worked it with as best as I could, even though I was lying down in bed most of the time. Whenever I could manage to get through even a few cycles of breath I noticed how each one seemed to have a unique and unpredictable quality. So in some ways it was easier to work with since it was all happening in such an atypical fashion. Some of my breaths were shallow, and when I attempted to breathe deeply I noticed how my lungs wouldn’t allow me to inhale any more than I was.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<strong>2. VOMIT</strong> – Whenever I had to puke I got really into it, noticing very closely every sensation and thought involved with this highly unsettling process. Fortunately, this is something most of us don’t have to do very often, so when it happens the practice opportunity here is huge. First I worked with the initially vague, uneasy feelings in my stomach that gradually transformed into a sensation that can only be likened to how it must feel if a baby alien were about burst out. At this point I could feel the perspiration building on my face and an overall bodily discomfort that couldn’t be appeased whether I’d stand up or sit down or lay in bed. When I started to hurl into the toilet, there was no escaping from that moment or from my body — the intensity of the experienced chained me to the reality of what was happening. No <span data-scayt_word="wimping" data-scaytid="1" style="background-image: url(data:image/gif; background-position: 50% 100% !important; background-repeat: repeat no-repeat !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important;">wimping</span> out and no escape possible: it was completely, intensely, fucking awesome. I could feel blood vessels in my head straining under the pressure so much that I thought they might burst. I heard sounds coming from my mouth that I didn’t realize I was even capable of producing. My body was really, really alive throughout all of that and there was no opportunity for spacing out or ignoring what was going on. Wow.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<strong>3. THOUGHTS & FEELINGS</strong> – One time when it became apparent that I was about to throw up, I felt a deep sense of wonder and gratitude at my body’s intelligence — it was attempting to rid itself of something it didn’t need at the moment (the Japanese food I’d ordered for lunch wasn’t a wise choice in retrospect) and even while puking I could tell that I was about to feel much better as soon as I was done. And I did. I also noticed my thoughts about being sick and being alone and the stories I was creating around an otherwise innocuous experience. The practice here was being aware of the thoughts and feelings without buying into them the way I would have at some other point in my life. Doing this lessened their hold over me tremendously.</div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<strong>4. GRATITUDE</strong> – When someone would text, email, or call to see how I was doing, I felt a tremendous amount of gratitude that someone would take the time to do so. It made me consider how important human relationships are and how there are people in the world who are in much worse situations, often without anyone around to help them and all to often without any form of adequate healthcare. As I’m feeling better now I’m amazed at my body’s ability to heal itself and how driven it is to always return to level of homeostasis so that I can move around and function in the world the way I need to. I also realize there will be a day when I may not be able to, and that there are many other people whose daily experience is much more challenging than my very temporary and relatively minor illness, and this makes me grateful for the health that I’m privileged enough to enjoy while it lasts. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8629269588348682488.post-3728609033453120802013-11-01T10:56:00.003-04:002013-11-01T12:24:17.647-04:00Cheer Up-Life is Meaningless!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0epbnhAWVJ6WQXh1xf-qUfEP6OSrulcoPbHVBATG28PKpGYfil9qk94wKU71TsOGI6P7rZSwk0cv3sjrvI45sCpKD0PNvVrqyWPP0y9x5pyIYkk4l2n1alUyrBU5OyotYKVu-EYoIYH1S/s1600/moon.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi0epbnhAWVJ6WQXh1xf-qUfEP6OSrulcoPbHVBATG28PKpGYfil9qk94wKU71TsOGI6P7rZSwk0cv3sjrvI45sCpKD0PNvVrqyWPP0y9x5pyIYkk4l2n1alUyrBU5OyotYKVu-EYoIYH1S/s320/moon.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<strong><em>I once said to Zen Master Seung Sahn, "Sonsa-nim, life has no meaning!" He replied to me, "Yeah! Life has no meaning, but no meaning is BIG meaning and you must find this point." It took many years for me to understand this teaching. </em></strong>- Wonji Dharma (my <a href="http://www.fmzo.org/leadership.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">teacher</a>)</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
The only true meaning in life we can work with is: what do we do with each moment we have before us?</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Buddhism is about understanding our true self and helping all others. When we help others we’re personifying our true nature. It’s not as if we have to wait around for some enlightenment experience to take hold before we can be of any use to anyone else. One doesn’t have to come before the other— they simply coexist and they both point to each other. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
By clearly understanding who and what we really are, our appropriate situation, relationship and function becomes crystal clear. We can clearly see what’s going on and our relationship to what’s going on. And it’s at this point that the correct and most appropriate thing to do arises spontaneously and effortlessly. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Understanding who we truly are doesn’t mean getting further enmeshed in the story of who we are, nor does it mean developing a more rigid sense of self. It’s really about understanding all of those aspects of our small, limited sense of self in order that we can transcend them and not be limited by their narrow scope. In Zen we are connecting to our true nature not by adding lots of ideas and concepts, but rather through a process of letting go and stripping away. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
We have the capacity to understand who we are in the greatest sense—we can see beyond our like/dislike mind and no longer be caught up in our preferences and opinions. When we’re no longer beholden to every passing whim and desire we’re free to help others as needed, when needed, and in the most helpful way needed. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<div style="font-size: 12px;">
Chasing after every fleeting desire never works in the long term. The more we try to appease all of our desires, the more desires we’ll be stuck with, and we'll have to answer to them. It’s like drinking salt water to quench your thirst—it feels satisfying while you’re drinking, but the second you stop the thirst gets even greater.</div>
<div style="font-size: 12px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 13px; line-height: normal; margin-bottom: 16px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">We get caught up in the idea of happiness as having our needs met and satisfying as many of our sense pleasures as we possibly can, but this isn't true happiness. The truest and most enduring form of happiness comes from seeing ourselves and this world clearly, and being of help wherever and however help is needed.</span></div>
</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
The best definition of the Bodhisattva Way I've ever heard is: “How can I help you right now?”</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<em><strong>"Human life has no meaning, no reason and no choice, but we have our practice to help us understand our true self. Then, we can change no meaning to Great Meaning, which means Great Love. We can change no reason to Great Reason, which means Great Compassion. Finally we can change no choice to Great Choice, which means Great Vow and Bodhisattva Way." </strong>- Zen MasterSeung Sahn</em></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8629269588348682488.post-62063538570809078322013-10-04T13:14:00.001-04:002013-10-04T23:25:33.343-04:00Why You can't Learn your way to Enlightenment<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYCEHRb9KCxm8jxBloSsBV8d0jka-QbgnvhpTLK0A1T_oAiMgwjt4CxPZWue1FUyK54PgCGq_2ePmBI6PJxwNqS1CR7xjZjiNMY2-VP4s6JqTrhm1JBWz5SIje0dDEK_VBQ3QraNUvOUW1/s1600/Compass.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="318" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhYCEHRb9KCxm8jxBloSsBV8d0jka-QbgnvhpTLK0A1T_oAiMgwjt4CxPZWue1FUyK54PgCGq_2ePmBI6PJxwNqS1CR7xjZjiNMY2-VP4s6JqTrhm1JBWz5SIje0dDEK_VBQ3QraNUvOUW1/s320/Compass.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
I’m making a grave error by committing these words to a blog post, because the very act of doing so implies that my words alone can help you. I fear that you might hold onto these words which would be a huge mistake, because words that are latched onto become like burning coals in the hand. So I encourage you to read this and then drop it faster then you’d drop a a hot branding iron.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<em><strong>54. "When studying Buddhist sutras, if you do not reflect deeply on your own mind at the same time, you could study the entire 84,000 volume canon of the Buddha's words and still it would not do you any good whatsoever." </strong></em></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<em><strong>- The Mirror of Zen</strong></em></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Simply acquiring information and knowing things can create great obstacles. Filling the brain with more ideas and thoughts and concepts just obscures the simple brilliance of what’s already there. Imagine how foolish it would be to clutter the sky with writings and images of the sky? Yet that’s exactly what we do when we allow ourselves to be preoccupied with speech and concepts and miss the whole point of what those things are trying to describe.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
If I were a swimming teacher it would be ludicrous of me to spend a lot of time talking about swimming and never encouraging my students to get in them damned water and swim alongside me. And yet this is the approach that many of us take when it comes to practice.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Information and words are very appealing. I myself am always in the midst of a dharma book or two. Taking notes and listening to podcasts and reading books and hearing lectures about Buddhist topics is standard practice for many people today. And none of this is good or bad. But ultimately understanding words, ideas, and concepts doesn’t do anyone much good at all. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Waking up to your true nature can only happen through your own efforts, your own practice, your own experience. Any decent teacher you come across can hopefully help point you in the right direction as needed and when needed, but ultimately only you can bring it all home and make it real. Some people get very fixated on finding just the “right” teacher, but holding out for a perfect teacher is a huge waste of time because ultimately you are your own best teacher. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Buddhist practice is so simple it’s stupid. But many want it to be more mysterious, more complex, more intellectual. Some of us like lists, complex theories, sutras, endless discussions, expensive retreats, books written by the current crop of Buddhist rock stars, and fancy looking exhibitions. But all of that is fluff and if misused can actually impede the process of understanding who and what you truly are. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
The only way to wake up to the true nature of things and to experience your life with directness, clarity, and intimacy is to watch what your mind is doing moment after moment. You can’t read your way to enlightenment, nor can any book, teacher, class or podcast do the work for you. All of these things can serve as a useful compass of sorts, but it’s fruitless to get attached to the compass without ever bothering to look in the direction that it’s pointing.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
So just do whatever you are doing in each moment. Look around and let every aspect of life reveal thedharma to you. You're already swimming in it so stop looking outside yourself.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8629269588348682488.post-13667069153297250222013-08-03T11:35:00.003-04:002013-08-03T11:35:51.490-04:00Does Lovingkindness Require Loving Feelings?<br />
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
One day a group of the Buddha’s monks were practicing meditation in the forest when suddenly they began to see these creepy-looking tree creatures gyrating about and making spooky sounds. It scared the hell out of them, so they went to their leader and asked to be moved to some other shadowy grove, some other place that wouldn’t scare the bejesus out of them. To remedy the situation, the Buddha instructed them in a practice called <a href="http://www.imsb.org/teachings/metta.php" rel="nofollow" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">Metta</a> orLovingkindness, which he promised would protect them from harm and alleviate their fear. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
They went back and did this practice of extending love, good will, and a sincere desire for all others to be happy, even towards the very tree creatures that were frightening them just a few hours earlier. Gradually the creatures stopped appearing so menacing, and, incredibly, they even befriended the monks and reciprocated with the same desire that their new friends be safe, happy, healthy, and at ease. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
This myth beautifully illustrates the purpose and function of lovingkindness practice and how we can put it to use in our everyday lives.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Lovingkindness is one of four mental qualities that are inherent within all of us -- even when it appears as if we’re being the complete opposite of loving or kind. It’s not a state of mind we need to acquire but one we simply need to cultivate. To extend lovingkindness to ourselves and others means that we wish for ourselves and all others to be happy and free from suffering.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
For starters, we have to recognize that this is a natural quality of our minds we can tap into and strengthen. It’s not something that some people have (think Mother Teresa) and other people don’t (think Osama Bin Laden). This desire to be happy and free from suffering is something that all human beings share, regardless of how some of us go about trying to satisfy that desire. Mistaking the actions of a person for the person themselves is what gets us into trouble and causes rifts between individuals, groups, and nations. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
I don’t have to run out and acquire a bicep muscle to stick into my arm, because I have one there already. But if I want it to be stronger and more visible, I do need to <a href="http://www.bodybuilding.com/exercises/finder/lookup/filter/muscle/id/15/muscle/biceps" rel="nofollow" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">exercise</a> it with some consistency. And this is how lovingkindness practice works.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Sometimes when I exercise, I’m really into it and totally in the mood to be there. It even feels good mentally and physically. At other times, working out or practicing my <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Submission_wrestling" rel="nofollow" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">sport</a> might seem like a clunky nuisance, but I show up and do it anyway because it’s become habitual and I recognize the overall benefits it provides, not just the immediate pleasurable or unpleasurable feelings that result from it. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
So I don’t exercise solely for the sake of exercising and how great it sometimes feels while I’m doing it -- I exercise with the understanding that throughout the rest of my day I’ll feel better and be more able to deal with the world around me both physically and mentally. When I need to lift something heavy, my arms are more capable of doing so because they’re trained on a consistent basis. And they’re not going to do the heavy lifting only when I’m really in a good mood and feeling like I want to lift something heavy -- they can perform appropriately when they’re needed.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
True lovingkindness and loving action work very much the same way. <img src="http://www.theidproject.org/sites/default/files/user/997/heart.jpg" style="border: 0px; float: right; font-size: 1em !important; height: 144px; margin: 5px; width: 168px;" /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
They need not be dependent on a <em>feeling</em> or <em>idea</em> of lovingkindness.Lovingkindness is a mental attitude that’s already inherently there within us, a quality that can be awakened to the extent that it operates more often than not, even when we’re not feeling particularly warm or fuzzy. If I waited around for my “loving feelings” to kick in before offering any kind of loving action, I’d never do a damned thing for anyone.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
The trouble with feelings is that they arise and fade away so haphazardly. We in the West make a very clear distinction between the Mind and the Heart, as if they’re somehow separate. But from a Buddhist standpoint, thinking and feeling aren’t two distinct human experiences. Our emotions do have a feeling component, but they’re still conceptual in nature. And the emotions we experience can vary wildly from one moment to the next -- even our emotions about the same idea, person, situation or object can shift in some very extreme ways even when the object of our emotions hasn’t changed much at all. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
So consider the possibility that you can practice true lovingkindness regardless of how you happen to feel at any given moment. Don’t wait around for warm and fuzzy feelings to arise before acting from a place of selfless, indiscriminate love. When wisdom and clarity are working together harmoniously, no special emotions need to be present in order to extend a sincere desire for the happiness of yourself or another. When a parent repeatedly has to pick up their newly walking baby every time she falls, there isn’t always some special feeling present -- just the underlying unconditional love towards their child and the desire for her not to suffer -- and that’s what fuels the parent’s actions. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
It’s important that we approach lovingkindness as a form of real life action that can help others be happy and free from suffering, and not just a lovey-dovey feeling that comes and goes like the wind. Otherwiselovingkindness just becomes a good idea, and ideas never help anyone.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8629269588348682488.post-1827367027083448232013-07-05T12:51:00.000-04:002013-07-05T12:51:22.451-04:00True Liberty, True Freedom<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieAkZZpS9NkeeDTx0rC6BMcsp6Acj9Dqqo8TwN1AdfNddXSrAV2bE7A-U6h7tpgzI2Ebmw9SCWBo2AgCesECIN98oQad4jjwS3AXxI6qQODayUDRKHcpawdkSA5WH_zXnWSJG6oCwrPFpP/s1600/statue-of-liberty.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieAkZZpS9NkeeDTx0rC6BMcsp6Acj9Dqqo8TwN1AdfNddXSrAV2bE7A-U6h7tpgzI2Ebmw9SCWBo2AgCesECIN98oQad4jjwS3AXxI6qQODayUDRKHcpawdkSA5WH_zXnWSJG6oCwrPFpP/s320/statue-of-liberty.jpg" width="220" /></a></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">The Fourth of July celebrates our independence from Great Britain in 1776. This independent spirit, this emphasis we put on liberty and freedom has permeated our American culture since it’s inception.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Yet very few of us are truly free.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">We expend lots of time and energy on trying to acquire happiness and peace of mind from external sources, when in reality the very things we seek are already residing within us. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">The greatest freedom of all comes from a direct understanding of who and what we really are. Sometimes the simplest way to understand what something is, is to be very clear on what it isn’t.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">We are not our names, occupations, nationalities, bodies, genders, races, sexual orientations, or our wealth. We are not our city or state of residence or God or our religions. We are not our spiritual practice or our causes or our political affiliations, and we are certainly not our possessions. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">By clinging to any one aspect of how we identify ourselves, we can become imprisoned by it. By making things, we’re stuck with those things. Zen Master Seung Sahn used to say, “if you make something, you’ll have something. If you don’t make anything, you’ll have everything.”</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">When we repeatedly ask ourselves “Who am I?” or “What am I?”, eventually we arrive at a point where all logical thinking gets shattered because such questions demand more than intellectual answers. When all of the superficial trappings of our identities fall by the wayside, we’re left with something much more vast and enduring. We are left with what we truly are.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">By cultivating an open heart that’s open to all possibilities, and by letting go of all our ideas and concepts about the world we live in, we can be better in touch with our true nature. When we’re operating from our true nature, we have the wisdom to see what’s really happening around us. Then we can understand what our proper role is at any given moment, and from this clear mind, compassion arises naturally and enables us to respond in the most appropriate way possible to whatever is happening before us. No thinking necessary, just spontaneous, compassionate action.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">The truest kind of freedom comes from a willingness to stop seeking happiness in external circumstances, objects, and ideas. If I make having a lot of money a prerequisite for being happy, then I’m screwed once the money runs out. If I require my body to always look and feel a certain way, I’ll be very easily thrown off course when it ages, changes, or gets sick. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">By learning to not turn our preferences into requirements, we can have the truest kind of freedom at all that can’t be swept away by the constantly changing conditions of life.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8629269588348682488.post-18455863841895694062013-06-14T13:16:00.003-04:002013-06-14T13:16:56.698-04:00Making Happiness a Reality rather than a Concept<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqQkOLS_AxmEQ-Yc9-Y1AIhQOvPuzQjZjT8uY0XmXcOXN_OpZzNnAyJxL0-5vwUdiLkxuoanogRVUUsZ7elOFU72w23Y4PlalhcGmaFS4FPnKA_5cMl-xGcVMLnSA39IQiS1ORWjKNV6uc/s1600/sisyphus.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiqQkOLS_AxmEQ-Yc9-Y1AIhQOvPuzQjZjT8uY0XmXcOXN_OpZzNnAyJxL0-5vwUdiLkxuoanogRVUUsZ7elOFU72w23Y4PlalhcGmaFS4FPnKA_5cMl-xGcVMLnSA39IQiS1ORWjKNV6uc/s320/sisyphus.jpg" width="313" /></a></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">It’s often said that all of us essentially want the same two things: to be happy and to be free from suffering. And this desire to be happy and to not suffer is a great equalizer in that most of our behavior is fueled by these two desires we all share. It’s what binds us all together - although on the surface we often seem so at odds with each other, an alien onlooker from outer space would think we all have greatly differing motivations.</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Even when people are behaving egregiously, even when some of us say and do things that can only be described as harmful, mean, reckless or inconsiderate, we’re only doing what we’re doing because we truly believe that doing that thing will bring about some happiness and take away some suffering. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Just about everyone would agree that they don’t want to experience suffering in any of its forms: indecision, loneliness, unsatisfactoriness, discontent, depression, anxiety, uncertainty, boredom, confusion, physical or psychological distress. And I’ve yet to meet anyone that when asked, could honestly say that they don’t wish to be happy. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">But why then do so many of us feel so dissatisfied and less than happy so much of the time? If we’re all on the same page about wanting to be happy and not wanting to experience dukkha, or unsatisfactoriness, then why on earth are we constantly finding ourselves in situations that can only be described as the polar opposite of “happiness”? </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">In Greek mythology, there was a guy named Sisyphus who was punished by the gods for his habitual lying nature. His sentence was that for all of eternity he would have to roll a heavy boulder up a mountain, but once he reached the top, the boulder would roll back down the hill and Sisyphus would have to descend the mountain and push it back up again. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Over and over again. Every single day. For all of eternity. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">For reals. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Most of us think that happiness means having as many of our sense pleasures satisfied as fully and as frequently as possible. So we go to great lengths to arrange every last detail of our lives to ensure a steady stream of comfort and pleasure. And we try desperately to create a solid buffer against any possible form of discomfort or pain. And yet the very act of clinging to what feels good and pushing away what feels bad creates the very scenario we want to avoid: we feel bad more often than we want to, and even when we feel good it gets tainted by two things--our attempts to keep it around for as long as possible, and our fears that it may one day end. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">So something as simple as enjoying a delicious meal can be spoiled because while eating it, it isn’t unusual to have thoughts like “wow I’ve never had anything this good before...I hope it’s prepared exactly like this the next time I have it....what if this restaurant closes and I can never eat this again?...what if the chef gets fired and the new one makes it differently?...I wonder if I can find the recipe and make it myself...what if I can’t prepare exactly like this?...what will happen when I’m done with this meal and I can’t taste it anymore???”</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Initially the story of Sisyphus filled me with a profound sense of dread. Just imagine a fate like that--doing the same thing over and over again without any hope of gain, advancement, or payoff in the end? </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">But the truth is, we’re all Sisyphus and this is good news.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">It’s wonderful and even necessary to have aspirations, goals and dreams, and to work earnestly towards them. However we get tripped up when we’re so fixated on a particular result that we lose sight of what’s right before us moment after moment after moment. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Once while serving me coffee, a barista told me how longingly he was waiting for the day when he could finally engage in “right livelihood” by having a job that would enable him to do so. Working at a cafe after all was drudgery compared to his dream job as a social worker. I told him nicely that he could start engaging in right livelihood right then and there during his shift--and perhaps help as many people if not more than he could as a social worker, provided he did his current job correctly. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">When we get stuck on some idea or concept of what it means to be happy, then happiness gets forever pushed just out of reach, just far enough into the future to ensure we’ll always feel less than happy.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">If life is nothing but a means to some huge grand prize in end, then the way we interact with everyone around us along the way will be quite narrow, hollow, and shortsighted. When we see huge chunks of our lives as periods of time we have to endure until the real fun begins, we’ll never truly have that much fun. The subway ride to the party can be just as enjoyable as the party itself, if only we open our eyes and pay attention to what’s going on in that train. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">What seemed like the most dire life sentence to Sisyphus could have been a source of immense fulfillment and happiness, had only he realized that his mind and his mind alone is what made “happy” or “unhappy.” </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><br />
Just to be clear--certain life situations will always be more likely to inspire happiness, and others bring about appropriate degrees of sadness. This is what it means to be human. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">But underneath the ever-changing happy/sad thing that comes and goes in our highly changeable life situation is the potential for the truest form of happiness imaginable. It’s possible to experience a underlying happiness that acts like a vast and powerful container for all of our life experiences. This doesn’t mean that we’ll always “feel good” and never experience discomfort. It does mean that we can learn to relate differently to whatever arises in our hearts and minds. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;">Sometimes in the midst of my greatest bouts of sadness, I come across this incredibly odd sense of gratitude and ok-ness that I can’t fully explain with words. But it’s really there and the more I shift my attention to it, the more manageable every else becomes. And that underlying ok-ness is something that all of us share, regardless of whether the current circumstances of our lives are consistent with how we wish they were.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica; font-size: 12px; min-height: 14px;">
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"></span><br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8629269588348682488.post-78071517648041103082013-06-10T00:32:00.004-04:002013-06-10T00:34:14.138-04:00Infinity...Emptiness...Don't Know<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Tahoma, Helvetica, FreeSans, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px;">I was one of several people interviewed for this intro video to the World Science Festival on the topic of "INFINITY"</span><br />
<iframe class="wsftv-player" frameborder="0" height="329" src="http://worldsciencefestival.com/videos/embedded/2419" type="text/html" width="528"></iframe>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8629269588348682488.post-38432167565379890852013-06-07T12:46:00.002-04:002013-06-07T12:46:54.004-04:00You're Never too Far Gone for Practice (Even if You're Hitler)<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGFbMlpuW7usNXDGEoRWMLyauniOoVbfTx7iQxZe1RJ2aZYNPBf8vqB_46WJOcujktvrotMKNGsASVXcDHhGGoq6cVi1CSLymkWlofZWCnyLg1gP7kx_lIHejluOgKnOtG6UX6aiUrVb9k/s1600/angulimala.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="181" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgGFbMlpuW7usNXDGEoRWMLyauniOoVbfTx7iQxZe1RJ2aZYNPBf8vqB_46WJOcujktvrotMKNGsASVXcDHhGGoq6cVi1CSLymkWlofZWCnyLg1gP7kx_lIHejluOgKnOtG6UX6aiUrVb9k/s320/angulimala.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
People sometimes make assumptions about me because I chose to <a href="http://www.fmzo.org/" rel="nofollow" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">ordain</a> last year as a Zen monk with a dual lineage. It’s often presumed that I must be the most together person around, one who sits in formal meditation for hours and hours each day without flinching. Someone who never gets angry or says the wrong thing or feels depressed or gets grouchy when he doesn’t have his coffee first thing in the morning. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Whenever I’m wearing my robes at a formal <a href="http://www.revgrecco.com/" rel="nofollow" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">event</a> I’m officiating at, I’m always amused by the way some guests respond to me--sometimes people will bow awkwardly, even if bowing isn’t something they’d ever do during the normal course of a day. Others get tongue-tied, perhaps because they fear I’ll challenge them with some unanswerable mind-fuck of a koan. Still others think I’m some kind of holy person capable of raising the dead and helping the wheelchair-bound to walk once more. Just by wearing a robe I become something on which people project all kinds of things, both positive and negative. And it’s very, very interesting.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angulimala" rel="nofollow" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">Angulimala</a> was a notorious thief and mass murderer who, legend has it, was alive during the time of the Buddha. He was so twisted that he’d cut off a finger from each of his victims and then thread it onto a necklace full of bloody digits he wore proudly around his neck as a gruesome showcase or trophy of sorts. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
One day he decided to go for the big prize--the Buddha himself. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
He ran after the awakened one but no matter how fast his feet propelled him forward, it was as if the Buddha was always just out of reach, even though he was walking at a calm and measured pace. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
This incredible display of mindfulness and poise so impressed Angulimala that he became one of the Buddha’s most devoted disciples and stayed on with him for many, many years. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Now this conversion on his part didn’t instantly change the way that the local townspeople viewed him--for he’d incurred years of karma, the effects of which he experienced long after he gave up butchering and murdering and stealing. In fact it wasn’t unusual for someone to throw stones at him when they saw him begging for alms or just taking a walk around town, because the mere sight of him carried with it associations of his past hurtful actions that caused much suffering for many, many people. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
The Buddha reassured him by reminding him that all of this would pass--in time. Not right away, but in time.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
I chose to ordain not because I think I’m something special, but rather because I feel that I need more of a formal commitment than most do when it comes to this practice and helping others. Left to my own devices I can really slack off if I’m allowed to. I can be so whacked out and unfocused it’s unbelievable at times. But just having a role like this and wearing a gray robe or jacket (both of which are very unflattering by the way) keeps me in check, because that’s what I need at this point in my life. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
People often grow impatient when they don’t feel like their meditation practice is progressing quickly or dramatically enough. It seems like such a setback when we lose our temper or say the wrong thing or act in ways we thought were a thing of the past now that we’re capital B Buddhists. Others won’t even try to begin a practice because they think they’re way too messed up or their minds are too discursive, or perhaps some of the things they’ve done in the past are just too unacceptable and unforgivable.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
The fact is, this practice of engaging with your life directly and openly is available to everyone and anyone, regardless of how fucked up you think you are. It’s never too late to begin the process of learning to relate appropriately with your mind and your body. And the more screwed up you think you are, the more you stand to benefit and the more capable you’ll be of helping others once you learn how to work with your mind rather than being jerked around by it.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
If you told me ten years ago I’d be a monk and a dharma teacher I’d have laughed in your face because it would have sounded so completely at odds with who I thought I was at the time. Now I realize that this practice doesn’t require us to be any particular kind of person, other than the kind of person who sincerely wishes to understand their true nature and develop a clarity of mind that enables them to respond appropriately and compassionately to whatever comes up in life. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8629269588348682488.post-37461101421462022742013-06-02T13:23:00.000-04:002013-06-02T13:23:52.179-04:00Two Ways I'm Maximizing Storage Space in my Heart<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNl8IaGbciyAHib76aehGAd_PUG_yC_F7QYmIOGZJThH0tyiUYA-dfFp0JjZirVlBIyMtpByxJ66wqfnn9PxA1DCf6Yh_GzvFHVee1xxhV3_S3hg_XwhD4Ed-ElqTOcdqBl4PnNlTgxhk2/s1600/heart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="170" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhNl8IaGbciyAHib76aehGAd_PUG_yC_F7QYmIOGZJThH0tyiUYA-dfFp0JjZirVlBIyMtpByxJ66wqfnn9PxA1DCf6Yh_GzvFHVee1xxhV3_S3hg_XwhD4Ed-ElqTOcdqBl4PnNlTgxhk2/s200/heart.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Recently I was having one of my weekly interviews with my<a href="http://www.buddhadharmauniversity.org/faculty.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank"> teacher</a>. I was talking about how hard a time I was still having working through the emotions around my recent break-up. It’d been just over two months, and I was feeling as if the hurt and shock should have been gone at this point, or at least be well on their way by then. I was growing impatient with myself. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
He said two things to me that day that have been profoundly helpful:</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<strong><em>“You know, you’ll never really get over this completely.” </em></strong></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
I had this idea that all of the pain around the ending of my five-year relationship would just magically evaporate one day. Yet each and every day since it happened, I have moments where the sense of shock and hurt arises with such intensity it’s as if I’d just gotten dumped yesterday. It really does still feel that fresh and sharp at times. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
And without realizing it, I’d set up quite a daunting task for myself: to get over this trauma as quickly and completely as possible. The support I was able to count on during the first month was starting to wane, and many people around me were offering me all kinds of well-meaning but not-so-helpful advice about how to carry on and the time frame in which it would or should most likely happen. Eesh. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
When my teacher told me that I’d never get over this completely, he didn’t mean that the degree of pain and loss I was experiencing would never ease up. What he was saying is that over time I’d find a way to make room for it somewhere in my heart. And that’s where it belongs. Just realizing this helped me to ease up and re-orient myself to the pain I was feeling. Instead of treating my emotions as a nuisance and giving them a time limit, I could now just experience them as they are without stoking them with ideas, theories, timelines, or expectations. And in so doing, they could be integrated into my heart and used over time as a means to be more open to others rather than an excuse to be closed off and resentful.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<em><strong>“The person who did this to you is not the same person you were with all those years.”</strong></em></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
My teacher doesn’t use a lot of fancy Buddhist terminology, nor does he ever parrot the teachings of his own <a href="http://www.fmzo.org/seung-sahn.html" rel="nofollow" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">teacher</a> as many others do. What he does do, and quite brilliantly, is to speak to me directly in a manner he knows will be most helpful at the time. Everything he says is chock full o’dharma (his name isWonji Dharma after all!) but he communicates in a manner that’s accessible and real. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
I was having a ridiculously hard time reconciling how the same person I was with all that time could have left me for someone else as abruptly and coldly as he did. My teacher gently pointed out that the person who did this was not the same person I’d been with all those years. This may sound like letting someone off the hook but it’s really a profound lesson in non-self and impermanence. Just as we can never step into the same river twice, not one of us is ever exactly the same from one moment to the next.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
It no longer has to matter so much whether my ex-fiance’s actions could be attributed to some underlying psychological problems, unacknowledged anger, poor character, or some combination of the three. And his actions at the very end don’t have to adversely color the way in which I view the totality of our relationship.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
What now helps me sort through some of the shock and hurt is the knowledge that what we shared for several years was the product of some fleeting circumstances and conditions that have simply changed with time. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
And this direct, experiential understanding is enabling me to find some room in my heart for all of this pain, where it can actually do some good if I simply allow it to.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8629269588348682488.post-91966450682440509102013-05-24T12:58:00.001-04:002013-05-24T12:58:46.163-04:00Dismantling Pain & Suffering<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixOVfQiwlvEI1BRtBW3h_koBToDfey6LpUEEsQwuQwZl0EOV-0SfkKU8j_alaJtZpIJC_iFxijza75ZExHviiXaUAgI9mweok0KbgtAyLRr0xHea11IDO3qFvGgTaGnFTI1o0h-Qhro2D-/s1600/weath1.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="145" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixOVfQiwlvEI1BRtBW3h_koBToDfey6LpUEEsQwuQwZl0EOV-0SfkKU8j_alaJtZpIJC_iFxijza75ZExHviiXaUAgI9mweok0KbgtAyLRr0xHea11IDO3qFvGgTaGnFTI1o0h-Qhro2D-/s200/weath1.jpg" width="200" /></a></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Sometimes waves of sadness crash over us that are so heavily charged it feels as if there will never again be any room in our hearts for any sort of happiness or peace of mind.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Whenever anger arises our tendency is to try and rid ourselves of it’s damaging hotness as swiftly as possible, usually by inflicting it on whoever or whatever we perceive as having caused it. It’s fiery qualities compel us to think and behave in ways very much at odds with who we really are, ways we usually end up regretting later.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Loneliness has a way of dragging us down and cutting us off from everyone else because it tricks us into believing we’re somehow separate and disconnected from the world, and we get lost in a never ending maze that leads us from one dead end to another.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
It’s perfectly normal to have bouts of depression, anger, and loneliness at times. Just as it’s the nature of the atmosphere to contain clear blue skies and sun at certain times and storm clouds and rain at others, it’s the nature of our minds to produce everything from great sadness and detachment to periods of extreme elation and happiness. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
None of this has to be a problem unless we make it one. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
By directly understanding that everything arising within our minds and hearts is constantly shifting, arising, and fading away, we can change our relationship to the very states of mind we find so troubling and hard to bear. And when we experience pleasant states of mind we can enjoy them all the more because the tendency to latch onto them and demand they stay around inevitably dissipates when we understand that they, too, are fleeting and not so solid. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
When we suffer we tend to look outside of ourselves and blame a person, object, situation or idea for our pain. And yes, there’s usually some sort of catalyst for our feelings of hurt, outrage, loneliness or disappointment--but all of those feelings and thoughts are coming up inside of our minds, and they’re based on a number of causes and conditions -- all of which are in a constant state of flux. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Outrage, for example, is never injected into the human brain from an outer source--it’s simply a manifestation of the potential for anger that exists within all of us. There is nothing inherently outrageous or anger provoking about the person or thing we get so angry about--for if there was then everyone would share the exact same degree of anger in response to the same stimulus. But what makes me angry may not make you angry, and vice versa. Our anger begins and ends in our minds alone.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
When we feel hurt or betrayed, those feelings of hurt and betrayal arise within us as part of a very complicated interrelationship of conditions and factors that create the ground from which such difficult feelings can grow. Someone may treat us unfairly or with cruelty, but ultimately to continue blaming them for our difficult emotions does nothing but hand over our sense of sanity to chance. When we surrender responsibility for our states of mind we allow ourselves to being jerked around by the comings and goings of life, to be blown around like a fragile leaf on a furiously windy day. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
But in the end, we’re always left with our minds and the understanding that nothing is inherently good or bad, right or wrong, painful or pleasant, tasteful or tacky. Our minds and our minds alone assign value to everything they perceive by adding labels and concepts onto the objects of our perception that otherwise have no intrinsic, separate nature. This is the beauty and promise of interdependence.<img src="http://www.theidproject.org/sites/default/files/user/997/weath2.jpg" style="border: 0px; float: right; font-size: 1em !important; height: 194px; margin: 6px; width: 260px;" /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
This doesn’t mean that people can do whatever they want without realizing that certain words, actions, and behaviors can cause pain and suffering and others. But it does mean we can learn to relate to our pain and suffering with a greater perspective and vastness. Just as the sky can contain all kinds of weather conditions, we can contain whatever feelings and mind states are arising with enough space to let them do their thing and then fall apart once conditions and circumstances shift.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
By understanding how all of our thoughts and feelings co-arise and how fleeting and interdependent they are, and by observing the process by which this all happens, our suffering gradually dismantles and it no longer has to maintain such a strong hold on our hearts and minds.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8629269588348682488.post-34017243799956324722013-05-04T12:19:00.000-04:002013-05-04T12:19:02.356-04:00You'll Find What You're Looking For When You Stop Looking For it<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTz7Zn0N8PLw_0j1DN46ufN0i0mUmBBpj7H7bPCGkjRU9iHLLlA-99wAAarn9Q5CmwePFDQ1Ph5u5q1cL-sNah0LHi4pcDHQwbtVMWWrSnFgD7qzR_GR6giWqoWXOxBrK51OjM_fMY1tbL/s1600/fish.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhTz7Zn0N8PLw_0j1DN46ufN0i0mUmBBpj7H7bPCGkjRU9iHLLlA-99wAAarn9Q5CmwePFDQ1Ph5u5q1cL-sNah0LHi4pcDHQwbtVMWWrSnFgD7qzR_GR6giWqoWXOxBrK51OjM_fMY1tbL/s320/fish.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<strong>One day, a baby fish asked his mother, “Mom, everyone is always talking about the sea...where is this ‘sea‘ I keep hearing about?”</strong></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<strong>“It’s all around you,” she replied, “you’re swimming in it!”<br /><br />“Then why can’t I see it?” said the baby fish.</strong></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Many of us spend a lot of time and energy grasping at words, concepts, people or objects in the hopes that attaining that one elusive thing will bring about an “aha!” moment in which we can finally feel whole and complete.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
If only we could understand that principle, follow that precept, nail that meditation technique, reach that blissful state, or recite that sutra verbatim, then and only then would we be able to settle comfortably into our lives and really move forward. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
This kind of approach is as misguided as the baby fish that’s constantly searching for water, yet we fall into the same trap. It’s like what happens when you’re searching around frantically for your house keys, and at the moment you quit looking for them and resign yourself to the possibility that they may be lost forever, you discover they were right in your front pocket all along. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Buddhist practice is not about becoming a better version of yourself. It’s a science of mind that offers you tools that enable the best self already there within you to emerge more fully and accurately. And this happens by letting go of ideas and concepts, not by piling them on until more confusion and feelings of inadequacy become your overriding experience.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
I spent a good deal of my life handing over power to others in the hopes that they would figure out my spirituality for me. I didn’t want to take any responsibility for it myself and much preferred to find some easy formula I could follow so that there’d never be any room for error or ambiguity. This always proved fruitless in the end, despite numerous efforts on my part, and I’m thrilled that I figured this out as soon as I did.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Interestingly, my clarity and confidence only seem to sharpen when I shrug. The more this life pulls the rug out from underneath me, the more alive and connected I feel. Having recently experienced a number of life-altering events that at one time I had considered completely unthinkable, I feel freer and more grateful than ever for this life of mine.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
I encourage you all to drop everything you think you know and check out what’s left over. It’s pretty awesome.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8629269588348682488.post-45105280641412983632013-04-26T14:17:00.003-04:002013-04-26T14:17:47.432-04:00When Your Heart Breaks Open, Fear Has Somewhere to Exit<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn528HdocMyRVwK5gZ7nitvQw6_Djpgeo13uVA2uaZLzwkQXlsk-Td6cJCf-dWIkLhKwz-_XdUJ9q51oz-iGzHhZrj4OQWdRMcbl8JEO0prXy64bZftgQgrwPyLELCha1c7PYboa-Tce-E/s1600/fear.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="183" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhn528HdocMyRVwK5gZ7nitvQw6_Djpgeo13uVA2uaZLzwkQXlsk-Td6cJCf-dWIkLhKwz-_XdUJ9q51oz-iGzHhZrj4OQWdRMcbl8JEO0prXy64bZftgQgrwPyLELCha1c7PYboa-Tce-E/s320/fear.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
I’ve always had a stock of “worst case scenarios” tucked away somewhere in my mind that would fill my heart with dread whenever I was brave enough to consider what life would be like should any of them ever come to pass. Some of these scenarios involved chronic and/or fatal health conditions while others were more situational: how would I feel if so-and-so died? How would I cope if I ever had a chronic health condition? What would it be like if I lost my home in a fire? How would I deal if I lost my sight one day? How would I go on with my life if my partner were to die?</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
For years, in order to ensure that my top two of these nightmare scenarios would never have a chance to rear their ugly heads into my waking life, I overcompensated with the mistaken view that doing so would shield me from any potential future pain. So I became overly cautious in terms of health, and I took on the role of Most Perfect Boyfriend Imaginable whose steadfast, non-confrontational manner would guarantee a lifelong marriage free of conflict and problems, despite all of the underlying shortcomings of the relationship (which in retrospect were quite blaring). </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Despite all of my efforts to try and control the universe so that it always unfolded in a way that was pleasing to me, over the past year, two of these went from the “worst case scenario” column to the “reality of my life” column. The first was a health scare I had to contend with last summer and fall, and the most recent was one I’d never entertained as being even remotely possible: my fiancee and partner of five years told me he was <a href="http://www.theidproject.org/blog/lawrence-grecco/2013/04/05/grateful-broken-heart" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">leaving me</a> for someone <a href="http://www.theidproject.org/blog/lawrence-grecco/2013/04/12/i-love-you-no-matter-what" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">else</a>.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Fear is a powerful motivator that can keep us glued to circumstances and situations that are exceedingly inappropriate for who happen to be at any given time in our lives. But our constant resistance to change and our perpetual need for solidity can inspire us to endure, to deny, and to pretend. And I was doing all of those things and more without even being fully aware that it was happening. I was letting fear jerk me around by the neck.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
In less than a year, two major aspects of my life and my identity exploded without warning and I’m still feeling some of the residual debris as it continues to fall down on my head and pierce my heart. This is without a doubt the most difficult time of my life, and the sense of sadness, despair, and aloneness I have to work with far surpasses anything I ever thought I’d be able to live with. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
And yet underneath all of the turmoil is a remarkable sense of OK-ness. This isn’t to say that waves of sadness don’t continue to come crashing in unexpectedly every day. And it doesn’t mean that I find these events and their aftermath to be pleasing or what I would have chosen, had I been given a choice. But the OK-ness I’m experiencing is a kind of authentic, exhilarating, and powerful sense that for the first time in my life I don’t have to be quite so afraid anymore. I did the fear thing for most of my life, and two things I feared deeply happened anyway. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
So now that some of my worst-case scenarios have become a reality, there’s not much point in being afraid anymore. The jig is up. And what’s left over is really cool.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
It feels as if the daily ups and downs I’m experiencing are manageable and human and a means through which I can face life directly and bravely, possibly for the first time ever. These cracks in my heart are turning out to be what I needed the most, even though they’re the very things I was the most afraid of. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
The fear I always clung to in my heart now has some gaps through which it can gradually leave. The fear I always cited as an excuse not to express myself more fully and accurately is slowly but surely finding its way out of my mind and heart. The fear that used to inform a lot of my decisions is leaking out of the cracks and being replaced with courage and curiosity and an understanding that I can deal with whatever comes up in life. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
This sense of OK-ness I’m getting more in touch with lately isn’t some quality I’m acquiring for the first time, but something that’s always been right there, just waiting to be recognized. It’s the same quality we all have that’s always operating on some level, but fear blinds us to it’s presence. Our small sense of who and what we are and our limited view of what this life is obscures it, hides it, and disregards it.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Underneath the pain and turmoil of life resides a fundamental OK-ness. May we all develop the ability to see and touch this quality at all times and in all situations.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8629269588348682488.post-39520136090272599412013-04-12T14:11:00.000-04:002013-04-12T14:11:17.237-04:00I Love You, No Matter What<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgciIKZ_SzREFDoOzdTb9svQ2zqLj1Q4J-aiGQ4uYmYtzS_ylylf4OQoKzp0DE8ZksPaCHNPTo-8pRUK-o3KuAi-IViva64D1pOLNI3p5QFjYqZcYgMrTY90Hvmv-mzyYEKYh1jnIwlVgio/s1600/heart.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgciIKZ_SzREFDoOzdTb9svQ2zqLj1Q4J-aiGQ4uYmYtzS_ylylf4OQoKzp0DE8ZksPaCHNPTo-8pRUK-o3KuAi-IViva64D1pOLNI3p5QFjYqZcYgMrTY90Hvmv-mzyYEKYh1jnIwlVgio/s1600/heart.jpg" /></a></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<span style="font-size: 14px;">When things are going well it’s easy for me to extend loving-kindness to friends and “enemies” alike. Simply defined, loving-kindness is a sincere wish for another person or group of people to be happy..recognizing that all beings share the same desire to be happy and the same desire to be free from suffering.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<span style="font-size: 14px;">When I feel really together it’s no big deal for me to generate a sense of compassion for others, and in fact I like to think I’m pretty damned good at it.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<span style="font-size: 14px;">Right now however I’m struggling to work these practices into my daily life. I’m finding it hard to extend any compassion or loving-kindness towards the one person I consistently claimed to have loved unconditionally for </span><a _cke_saved_href="http://www.theidproject.org/blog/lawrence-grecco/2013/04/05/grateful-broken-heart" href="http://www.theidproject.org/blog/lawrence-grecco/2013/04/05/grateful-broken-heart" style="color: #565656; font-size: 14px;" target="_blank">quite a few years</a><span style="font-size: 14px;">.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<span style="font-size: 14px;">The sense of hurt, anger, sadness and betrayal I’m left to deal with now is overwhelming at times. Had it not been for meditation and these compassion practices, I’d probably be a complete wreck.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<span style="font-size: 14px;">It’s times like these where those of us who engage on this path are called upon to put these practices to actual use, in a real life kind of way. This is what I love about Buddhism as opposed to any other spiritual practice--we have these concrete tools to work with so we can transform our difficulties into something less selfish and more useful.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<span style="font-size: 14px;">Loving-kindness from a Buddhist perspective is generated with the understanding that all human beings have the same two desires that I call the “great equalizers”-the desire to be happy and the desire not to suffer. Everything we do therefore springs from the hope that what we are doing will bring about more happiness and less suffering. Even when we behave egregiously, even when we handle things and people and situations badly, what’s fueling all of it is this desire to no longer suffer and to bring about a happy state of mind. This doesn’t excuse bad behavior nor should it be used as a reason to continue acting unskillfully, but it does at least leave me with some understanding as to what the underlying motivations were for my <span data-scayt_word="ex-fiancee" data-scaytid="1" style="background-image: url(data:image/gif; background-position: 50% 100%; background-repeat: repeat no-repeat !important; padding-bottom: 0px !important;">ex-fiancee</span> and his behavior towards me.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<span style="font-size: 14px;">Right now I’m feeling so much anger it’s hard to generate even the slightest bit of love or compassion towards the very person for whom it had always been so easy and natural to love unconditionally. Yet I’ve been looking closely and honestly into my heart lately, and in so doing I’ve discovered that my love for him was not as unconditional as I’d always thought it was. Without realizing it, I had a condition that I would love him unconditionally just so long as he’d never <a _cke_saved_href="http://www.theidproject.org/blog/lawrence-grecco/2013/04/05/grateful-broken-heart" href="http://www.theidproject.org/blog/lawrence-grecco/2013/04/05/grateful-broken-heart" style="color: #565656;" target="_blank">hurt</a> me.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<span style="font-size: 14px;">I’m doing a lot of picking and choosing right now when it comes to generating love and compassion towards my ex, and it’s only human for me to feel this way. But during those times when I muster up enough understanding in my heart and mind that what my partner did was based on his desire to be happy and not to suffer, the anger dissipates and the hurt has some context and no longer feels like it’s all about ME. Given who he is right now, I believe he did what he thought was the best and most appropriate course of action. This doesn’t mean that his actions didn’t cause harm to me and that they won't ultimately cause him harm as well, but this knowledge helps contain the fiery resentment I have to face day after day.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<span style="font-size: 14px;">Despite my wavering wildly between states of fury and depression, I don’t believe he intended to hurt me. I think what fueled his choices was the mistaken view that happiness means taking the path that feels the easiest and most pleasurable in the short term. I still do that in all kinds of ways. We all do.</span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<span style="font-size: 14px;">As I consider all of this, I find my heart opening rather than contracting. </span></div>
<div style="font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
<span style="font-size: 14px;">May this process continue in this direction of opening.</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8629269588348682488.post-68299449677993532022013-04-05T13:09:00.001-04:002013-04-05T13:09:20.044-04:00Grateful for this Broken Heart<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAaagx5tUig16afuUqNzdGUi3J-4NJKxmFaaYtacInesbDY_7FMj336JZWCUwf9qQs5-ajq7DuxTLLJLTjmvanzoefqfccRZe506CE-XfvUlVppM1Gh42CwrxZbGVttP6jHFwT-wn6kxjN/s1600/t.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiAaagx5tUig16afuUqNzdGUi3J-4NJKxmFaaYtacInesbDY_7FMj336JZWCUwf9qQs5-ajq7DuxTLLJLTjmvanzoefqfccRZe506CE-XfvUlVppM1Gh42CwrxZbGVttP6jHFwT-wn6kxjN/s1600/t.jpg" /></a></div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Recently my partner and fiancee of five years told me that he’d met someone else and was therefore ending our relationship. This was a complete shock to me as there’d been no signs of discord or discontent as far as I could tell, and while I may not be the smartest man in the world, I’m certainly not a clueless one.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Our relationship had been a constant in my life for just over five years, and it was tightly woven into the way I identified myself. I even took pride in how stable, respectful, loving and drama-free it was--often citing it in dharmatalks and personal conversations as a model of true and unconditional love. It wasn’t the red-hot kind of love that never lasts for long-it was the warm, smoldering sort that could endure for years and years, or at least that’s how I viewed it.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
As far as I was concerned, this relationship was the ground on which I could always fall back on, a form of solidity and constancy that would always serve as my sanctuary and foundation. But what I thought of as a stone fortress was in reality just a sandcastle that collapsed seconds after being hit by a sudden, unexpected wave.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
The residual shock, anger, and sadness I’ve been left with for these past few weeks have opened my mind and heart to the deepest and most raw sense of love I’ve ever experienced. I can't adequately explain it just yet, but underneath all of the anguish is a very true sense of love that has nothing to do with romance or feelings or concepts. It isn't a feel-good kind of state, nor is it necessarily a painful one when I am able to be with it directly. But I do feel as if I get these amazing glimpses into the truest and most deepest sense of love imaginable, even though I'm sure this makes no logical sense at all. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
At some points during each day I’m grateful for this pain because it’s fast becoming one of the best teachers I’ve ever had. At other times I get to learn about the ways in which I normally resist uncomfortable feelings, and how quick I am to indulge my anger when I don’t have the courage to sit with my deep sadness and hurt. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
Anger is a normal human emotion which is often cited as one of the five stages of grief. And it isn’t all that unusual for friends or family members to stoke an angry mind state in those of us going through a difficult break up. But when anger is allowed to take over for too long, it only serves to delay a truer and deeper sense of healing that can only fully come about by riding the wave of sadness and impermanence that a broken heart can so poignantly demonstrate.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
So I haven’t yet come to any profound conclusions about love, heartache, and the nature of impermanence. I very well may never make any sense of what’s happened here no matter how many times I repeat my story to others or replay it in my mind or blog about it or research the psychological condition that may or may not have played a role in this unexpected development in my life. </div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
All I can do is watch my mind moment after moment after moment and witness how changeable it all is. All I can do is notice how I’m feeling from one minute to the next, and find some way to work with the anger, the sadness, the peace, the shock, the relief, and the resentment that pops up so randomly. It’s oddly comforting that none of these feelings seem to linger for all that long, especially when I just feel them on their own terms and don’t get swept up in the storyline I so desperately want to connect them to.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; font-family: Helvetica, Arial, 'Bitstream Vera Sans', sans-serif; font-size: 12px; line-height: 16px; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-top: 1em;">
When I approach things this way, I feel a deep sense of gratitude that enables me to bow to my broken heart. </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8629269588348682488.post-19740783186242107472013-03-04T13:23:00.001-05:002013-03-04T13:30:44.703-05:00Five Things I Love About Meditation<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1V-vPibVmPE2FIkQcyLc6zZpKRePeMakKKET3LmxOJdDM5h-R87IKPcmFHSMAwMV60WDT1btjxhWj2Lb9evGCH2QiykEpug5gt4FQmr0bzhDX5mxcpa9K3o_xFPgwfdOrwIh6ozA7GGt4/s1600/medman.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1V-vPibVmPE2FIkQcyLc6zZpKRePeMakKKET3LmxOJdDM5h-R87IKPcmFHSMAwMV60WDT1btjxhWj2Lb9evGCH2QiykEpug5gt4FQmr0bzhDX5mxcpa9K3o_xFPgwfdOrwIh6ozA7GGt4/s320/medman.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b style="letter-spacing: 0px;">1. Meditation demonstrates that all things are interdependent and constantly changing. </b><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">Initially, the realization that we’re all in a life situation that is fundamentally groundless may be quite daunting and even depressing. But it’s not the reality of groundlessness that’s the problem-it’s our resistance to it that causes us to experience difficult mind states ranging from a mild sense of discomfort to paralyzing bouts of depression or anxiety. When we sit quietly or engage ourselves completely with whatever we happen to be doing, this fluid, dynamic process unfolds naturally before us</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">and we can see that it’s all not as terrifying as we originally thought-and in fact, it is actually the means through which we can learn to live our lives with appreciation and joy.</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span></span><br />
<b style="letter-spacing: 0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></b>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b style="letter-spacing: 0px;">2. Meditation helps us learn how to relate appropriately to our bodies, our feelings, our thoughts, and our perceptions.</b><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;">We normally misrelate to these four aspects of our experience by having an all-or-nothing approach to them: either we excessively attach or we view them as “the enemy” and the source of our discomfort. Meditation enables us to relate directly and clearly to these things and see them clearly as they are, not as we fear them to be or how we wish they were.</span><span style="letter-spacing: 0px;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>3. Meditation liberates us from having a narrow and damaging view of ourselves. </b>The simple practice of quietly and fully paying attention to our moment-to-moment experience helps us understand that things are always changing and therefore don’t have to define who we are. When we realize this, we no longer have to be so beholden to the constantly fluctuating states of our bodies, minds, feelings and perceptions.</span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>4. Meditation teaches us to stop <i>making things</i>. </b>Zen Master Seung Sahn used to say, “if you make something, then you’ll have something. If you don’t make anything, you will have everything.” Whatever happens within us and outside of us is rather innocuous, but our brains insist on judging, assessing, and trying to interpret our experience in ways that are usually very far removed from the simple reality of what’s happening. We pile on our opinions, ideas, concepts, fears and hopes onto whatever we perceive and end up with a facsimile of our experience rather than an accurate experience of our experience. Meditation trains us to have a direct and intimate relationship with each moment so that we can be fully immersed in our lives and live with more happiness, ease, and sanity. </span></span><br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<span style="letter-spacing: 0.0px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b>5. Meditation transforms our relationship to pain and suffering. </b>While painful feelings, sensations, and thoughts are unavoidable and uncontrollable aspects of life, we do have a choice as to how we relate to them. Applying mindfulness to every aspect of our daily life experience transforms the way in which we relate to pain so that it doesn’t have to take over and lead to suffering. This doesn’t mean we can ever prevent painful experiences from happening, but we can change the way in which we view these experiences so that they don’t snowball into a suffering situation. After all-pain is mandatory, suffering is optional.</span></span><br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0